MAN: “Doctor, I feel terrible. My stomach is upside down. What should I do?”
M.D.: “Try standing on your head.”
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #13204
DOCTOR: “Mister Simms, I’m afraid you only have seven days to live.”
PATIENT: “Oh, no! Then I guess I won’t be able to pay you, Doctor. My medical insurance check won’t be here for two weeks.”
DOCTOR: “H-mm, well in that case, I’ll give you fourteen days to live.”
Joke #13203
“The pain is all in your mind,” the doctor told his patient.
“I didn’t have to come here to find that out,” the patient grumbled angrily. “I already knew I had a headache.”
Joke #13202
Q: What do you call a formal dance for the benefit of podiatry?
A: A football, naturally.
Joke #13201
I wish laughter was the best medicine. A comedian would make a house call cheaper than a doctor would.
Joke #13200
DENTIST’S OATH: “We solemnly swear to extract the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth, so help us God.”
Joke #13199
My physician’s bookkeeper must be a frustrated medical man. I caught him doctoring up my bills.
Joke #13198
DOCTOR: “Your blood pressure is sky high, Mr. Smith.”
PATIENT: “That figures. I get it from my family.”
DOCTOR: “Your mother’s side or your father’s side.”
PATIENT: “Neither. It’s my wife’s side that gives me my high blood pressure.”
DOCTOR: “Why, that’s impossible!”
PATIENT: “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how obnoxious my in-laws are.”
Joke #13197
A WORD OF ADVICE TO PARENTS: Never trust a doctor who doesn’t like a dose of his own medicine.
Joke #13196
PSYCHIATRIST: “How long has your husband thought that he is Napoleon, Mrs. Stanners?”
MRS. STANNERS: “Since Waterloo.”
Joke #13195
An elderly lady was introduced to a Doctor Stevens at a party. At the first opportunity, she cornered the man and said, “Doctor, I’m so happy to meet you. I’d like to ask you a question. Lately I’ve been getting terrible pains on my right side when I lift my arm like this. What should I do about it?”
The man answered, “I’m sorry, Madam, but I’m not that kind of a doctor. I happen to be a Doctor of Economics.”
The lady was taken aback for a short moment, then regained her composure and asked, “So tell me, should I sell my stock in General Motors?”
Joke #13194
DOCTOR: “How is the boy who swallowed the silver dollar?”
NURSE: “No change yet.”
Joke #13192
WIFE TO BANK CLERK: “I want to make a withdrawal from my husband’s half of our joint account.”
Joke #13191
LADY: “Why are you so miserable?”
MAN: “My daughter ran off with my chaufeur.”
LADY: “Do you miss her?”
MAN: “No. I miss my Rolls Royce. They ran off in it.”
Joke #13190
My husband is so bald that when you look at him from a distance, it looks like his neck is blowing bubblegum.