T-bone slap – n. a type of slap where you take a T-bone steak and slap them in the face
;} v. to slap someone with the tip of your penis, with a forward motion as to blindside them. Kind of like a car crash but with a penis and a face.
;} n. the act of slapping someone with the tip of your penis in a forward motion, as to blindside them.
thipaunppuamcmbkcfesfmmdmolr – n. a purple colored bear wearing white khaki shorts that just shat himself
“Let’s hope Dr. Heimlich is a Pistons fan, because they keep choking in the Eastern Conference Finals.”
– Matt Sussman
Girl: “I’m silly today. Silly silly.”
Reasonably Attractive Girl: “Yeah, you’re silly.”
– from davepoobond’s job.
Bud was telling his friend Chuck, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered Chuck. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says “dam!!”
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, “no, the steaks are too high.”
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It’s either my mum or my dad… or maybe my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I’m pretty sure it’s Colin.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts.
The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other, “I’ll man the guns, you drive.”
Two cows standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” said Dolly.
“It’s true, no bull!”
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”