Q: How come beachcombers never starve at the beach?
A: Because of all the sand-which-is there.
—
Another version of this joke:
Q: How come the Martian didn’t starve to death in the desert?
A: Because of the sand which is there.
Q: How come beachcombers never starve at the beach?
A: Because of all the sand-which-is there.
—
Another version of this joke:
Q: How come the Martian didn’t starve to death in the desert?
A: Because of the sand which is there.
Q: What does the bunny say on January 1st?
A: Hoppy New Year
EXT. LIBRARY BRIDGE-DAY
KID# 1
Walking over bridge carrying an empty bottle. Throws bottle over shoulder. DIFFERENT ANGLE. Falls down and hits KID # 2, who is walking under the bridge, on the head. He picks up the bottle. Looks at it.
KID # 2
Ow!
KID # 2 picks up bottle. Looks at it and throws bottle at trash can and misses. Bottle rolls along floor. DIFFERENT ANGLE. KID # 3 kicks bottle hard towards kids eating lunch and bottle lands in lap of KID # 4.
KID # 4
(disgusted)
Eww… I don’t want this.
Throws bottle over head into a bush. Close up shot of bottle. Camera zooms out and there are other pieces of trash all over the BUSH.
TEXT
Black background and white writing.
Neither do we.
EXT: Park.
DIRK, a young man is sitting on a children’s merry-go-round. He’s holding a pair of cutting scissors. GREG, a large bunny, runs up and pushes the merry-go-round very fast. Dirk screams, and runs dizzily off up a hill. Greg laughs menacingly, kicks FRODO off the slide, jumps on the back of a truck, hits the driver with nunchucks and they peel out.
CUT TO:
MOVING
Camera circles around Dirk as he runs.
He falls off camera. SCREAMING. Blood squirts up.
INT: Doctor’s office
CEDRICK, a middle aged doctor stares into space, misty eyed. PHIL, the tough as nails physical trainer sits in the corner, hands on his knees.
CEDRICK
(sobbing)
I don’t think I can save him
PHIL
Doc, ya got to! Karate championship’s in two hours!
Cedrick puts a bandaid over the wound. The scissors are still protruding. Phil leans towards Dirk.
PHIL
(whispering; teary eyed)
You’re the best!
Music starts: “YOU’RE THE BEST”
CUT TO:
INT: Green room.
Dirk is working out. First he does sit-ups, then punches the air, jump ropes, then tries to do the splits. CRUNCHING.
CUT TO:
EXT: Mountaintop
Dirk is posing in karate stances in front of a sunset
CUT TO:
INT: Gym
Music stops. Dirk is facing off against Greg. A close shot of Dirk’s face reveals beads of sweat. Phil is in the corner, cheering him on. Cedrick is next to him, worried.
PHIL
Remember, kid! You’re the best!
(music resumes)
Dirk and Greg dance around striking karate poses and jabbing at each other.
SLOW
Greg yanks out Dirk’s scissors. Music fades out. Blood squirts from off camera. Close up of Dirk’s face in agony.
Phil yelling but is muted. While the commotion continues in the background, Frodo walks in front of the camera.
FRODO
(serious tone)
Remember, running with scissors doesn’t only affect you.
CUT TO:
Cedrick in the corner, crying blood and eating a bag of bugs.
CEDRICK
(whimpering)
I couldn’t save him.
CUT TO:
Middle of gym. Greg is jumping up and down with a large trophy above his head.
Picture of Dirk’s face. Underneath is written “Dirk” “Daniel son” Miagi, July 7, 1985 – October 12, 2002
END
I found this.
–
EXT- HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
STUDENT #1 is seen outside in the hallway alone. After a moment, ANOTHER STUDENT approaches him.
STUDENT #1
A tall, Asian male wearing gang-related clothing. He is approached by ANOTHER STUDENT, (N.D.) STUDENT #1 is seen handing the other student a small plastic bag containing what seems to be marijuana.
CUT TO:
EXT – OUTSIDE JEWELRY SHOP – DAY
STUDENT #1 IS SEEN THROUGH THE WINDOW OUTSIDE, (POV). He examines a bracelet and being satisfied, buys the bracelet.
CUT TO:
INT – STUDENT #1’S HOUSE – NIGHT
STUDENT #1 hands the bracelet that he bought earlier to his BROTHER. BROTHER puts on the bracelet and then after, shows STUDENT #1 some brotherly affection.
CUT TO:
EXT- HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY
STUDENT #1 is seen outside in the hallway alone. After a moment, ANOTHER STUDENT approaches him.
STUDENT #1
STUDENT #1 is approached by ANOTHER STUDENT, (N.D.) STUDENT #1 is seen handing the other student a small plastic bag containing what seems to be marijuana.
ANOTHER STUDENT
ANOTHER STUDENT takes the marijuana he bought from STUDENT #1 and walks off.
HAND DECORATED WITH A BRACELET
The hand with a bracelet is seen giving a twenty-dollar bill to ANOTHER STUDENT’s hand and in return receives a plastic bag of marijuana.
End.
I found this.
–
A living room with a kid sitting on the couch watching TV
Parents Enter the room Mother: “Honey, We are going to be going out now, well be at dinner and a movie”
Child: “Ok mommy I love you, bye Daddy”
Mother: “ We have our cell phones in case of an emergency”
Very interested in watching the TV – Child: “Ok mommy”
Father: “And son, don’t stay up zoning out on the TV”
Child: “OK Dad, goodbye”
Fades to black and then fades to a clock
Door opens – Mother: : “Honey we are home”
Father: “Son are you still up?”
Son is asleep on the couch with the remote in his hand, the TV is dim
Mother: “Good he is asleep”
Father, picks up the remote hits info, and it shows the name of a pornographic film. (Not the movie or any scene of it ( keeping the PG motif))
Father: “O dear honey, look at this”
Mother: “My gosh”
Father, angrily: “Wake up son, wake up now we need to talk”
Child – Waking up groggly: “Huh? What is it?”
Father: “ We need to talk about something son”
Child: “What is it?”
Father – points to TV: “What is this?”
Child: “Um uh I can explain… It is uh this uh”
Father ( interupting): “Save it son, I cant believe you left the TV while you were sleeping, don’t you care about the energy crisis we aer going through? WE have to CONSERVE!”
Child: “Ok daddy, I’ll conserve” with a sly grin
END
I found this.
—————-
(Dad is watching TV in the living room while smoking a cigarette)
Johnny: Oh my god dad, what are you doing? Don’t smoke cigarettes in the house, it smells. I don’t appreciate it when you are always smoking in the house. I don’t wanna die of 2nd hand smoke.
Dad: Shut up. I am the ruler of the house. Don’t argue with what I do or say, I am the LAW.
Johnny: Stop joking around dad. (Pops out a cigarette) Fine then, you can do it, then so can I.
Dad: Ey, what the hell is going on? When did you start smoking?
Johnny: A long time ago dad. I just never knew how to tell you and now is the perfect chance cuz you’re smoking and I can just smoke with you.
Mom: Oh god, Johnny started smoking? Honey, aren’t you going to do something?
Dad: Sure honey. (Gives Johnny a light) There you go son. Now that you’re starting to mature, I can tell you about all those little things that i never told you about before.
Grandma: Jim, don’t let Johnny smoke, its very unhealthy. Back in my times when they didn’t really know that smoking was that bad for you health, it was alright. Now they know that it leads to lung cancer and all these other diseases. So educate your son.
Dad: As long as he doesn’t do drugs, its alright. Smoking isn’t that bad. As long as he isn’t smoking that opium stuff or anything else.
Johnny: What about weed, dad? Weed isn’t a drug, is it? It’s a plant that comes from the ground and you smoke it, and it makes you feel good.
Dad: Back in the 70’s, Weed was alright to smoke, partially cuz we had to smoke it in the Vietnam War. The THC level in marijuana these days has increased by almost 50 times since then. You shouldn’t smoke it, but if I told you not to smoke, I’d be a hippocrit.
Johnny: Thanks for being so honest dad.
Dad: I wish all parents were as honest as me. Then they could communicate with their children better. I just hope that we have a really good relationship.
Grandma: I remember that my husband used to smoke weed when he went to war and then he came back that he told me that it was everywhere and all the other soldiers smoked it, so then you had to smoke it with them.
Dad: May his soul rest in peace.
Mom: Could we please not talk about father? He reminds me of a sad time within our life when there was no happiness.
Dad: Sure, honey. Let’s all stop talking about it. Who wants to have the daily family discussion?
Mom: So, what kind of music does everybody enjoy listening to? I’ve heard those new tunes these days and that rap music really disturbs me.
Johnny: Why don’t you like it mother, it’s a hip beat and you go with the flow.
Mom: All that profanity and vulgar language disturbs me. They always talk about Weed here, sex here, and some more sex there, violence, killing, and I mean, come on now, what kind of music is that?
Johnny: Better than that disco crap that dad used to listen to. You and your afros and afro picks, I mean come on. With those, sorry to say, but gay looking clothes, I mean flares on girls these days is alright, but come on. Flares on guys, you looked really gay.
Dad: Are you dissing my heritage, dude? That’s not cool.
Johnny: Stop trying to be funny dad. Don’t try to talk like us, when you aren’t one of us.
Dad: That’s it. I’m sick of this nonsense. You’re grounded, you’re staying home until you graduate high school and turn 18 then you can get out of my house, but until then, you are gonna have to stay in your room all day. GO study and do some homework and don’t get on that phone again.
Johnny: This is bullshit. This sucks.
Mom: Listen to your father honey, before he gets more angry.
Grandma: You’re just overreacting son. Don’t worry Johnny, just go up to your room and I’ll bring you some pie and some pizza, ok?
Johnny: Thanks grandma, I love you…
Grandma: Me Too Johnny.
(end)
name = ice man
email = legoloversgeoff@aol
use_email = yes
This_is_a(n) = IM
i_am =
chat_room_name =
victims =
submission =
name = ice man
email = vnxgf@qwest.net
use_email = yes
This_is_a(n) = IM
i_am = iceman
chat_room_name = stupid stuff
victims = stupid
submission = UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?????????????????????????????????
name = BLONDS_R_NOT_DUMB
email =
use_email = no
bjoke = HAHAHA
BLONDES ARE NOT DUMB…
name = your mom
email = davesmom@aol.com
the_error = YOuR MOm SMElLS FAInTLY OF cABBAGE!
name = dead
email = help me
the_error = ahhhhhhhhh
name = XxxgamerxxX
email = sk8er_boy589@yahoo.com
use_email = yes
type = umm…just read it
title = umm…just read it!!!!
submission = I REALLY HAVE NO JOKE I JUST WANTED TO SAY THIS SONG…
“WHO PUT THE DICK ON THE SNOWMAN, AND IMBERRISED THE FAAAAMILY, YOU COULD HAVE USED A BALL BAT, A CUCUMBER OR A ZUCEENEA, INSTEAD YOU USED A THIMBLE, SOMTHIN’ YOU COULD BEAR TO SEE… WHO PUT THE DICK ON THE SNOWMAN AND MADE HIM LOOK LIKE ME!?!
THE END
name = blondebabe
email = blondebabe9326@aol.com
use_email = yes
This_is_a(n) = IM
i_am = funny
chat_room_name = goneaway
victims = dayjavou
submission = help me and im me
name = BoredAss
email = michelb4@yahoo.com
use_email = yes
This_is_a(n) = Chat
i_am = Mich
chat_room_name = Mich
victims = What?!
submission = I am a bored Mother F’er