Q: Should you ever eat chocolates on an empty stomach?
A: No, always on a plate.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #11259
Q: What’s sticky, green, has eighteen legs, and is covered with brown hair?
A: I don’t know, either. But it’s crawling out of that box of valentine chocolates!
When The Best Is Still Not Good Enough For Your Valentine – Send These:
1. I’m crazy for you…but I’m also crazy about the werewolf!
2. You’re good looking in a way…far, far away!
3. You have a face like a saint…a Saint Bernard!
4. You’re the kind you have to look at twice…the first time you just don’t believe it!
Joke #11257
Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: It couldn’t get a date!
Joke #11256
Q: What did one heart say to the other heart?
A: Nothing – organs can’t talk!
Joke #11255
Boyfriend: My New Year’s resolution is not to lose my temper.
Girlfriend: Do you really plan on keeping that resolution?
Boyfriend: Of course!
Girlfriend: Good – then you won’t yell when I tell you that I lost my engagement ring this morning.
Presenting SquackleTube
So, I was sitting at my computer one day (today) and thought, hey why don’t I add that nifty YouTube video thing Google has to fill up some of that white space you may see under each individual post?
And I said, yes, that will work. And so it did. Please enjoy what I deem as SquackleTube.
Top 10 Cannibal Excuses for Eating Bodies
10. They don’t know the number for the corner pizza take-out.
9. All the good salad bars are closed at night.
8. Bodies don’t have expiration dates.
7. The cannibals are convinced bodies taste like chicken.
6. They watched Alive! too many times.
5. Eating bodies is their solution to the lack of burial plot space.
4. They believe bodies work better than Metamucil.
3. They decided they need more protein in their diet.
2. Bodies are high in fiber and contain no preservatives.
1. They get carried away by the idea that "You are what you eat."
Joke #11252
Q: What is the main drawback to eating pig brains?
A: Afterward, you always feel like wallowing around in a mudhole.
Joke #11251
Q: What book tells the tale of an astronomer with a hernia?
A: The Andromeda Strain.
Joke #11250
Q: What book concerns a body snatcher chasing a girl through a grain field?
A: Catch Her in the Rye.
Joke #11249
Q: What kind of dental floss do tennis players use?
A: Cat gut.
Joke #11248
Q: What’s a cannibal’s favorite movie?
A: With Six You Get Eggroll.
Joke #11247
Q: Why are kids with rotten teeth happier now?
A: They’re capitalizing on that "Beverly Hillbillies" look.
Sewing Your Wound
Johnny was working at his mother’s sewing machine, putting together an outfit for the school party. He was working diligently, carefully sewing together the sleeves and the cuffs. When he saw his favorite video come on TV, he decided to take a shortcut to save time, but ended up sewing over his finger, a wound that required nine stitches.
Moral of the story? A stitch in time saves nine.