Have you heard about the convict who had rotten luck? Just before his execution, the governor called the prison to commute his death sentence, and the line was busy.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12331
Did you hear about the dumb pickpocket who was so clumsy he couldn’t even steal a kiss from his girlfriend?
Joke #12330
Criminals are getting bolder these days. Last week while handing out a parking ticket, a cop was mugged.
Joke #12329
TRAFFIC OFFICER: “Ma’am, what gear were you in when you had the accident?”
LADY: “I was wearing a green blouse, a white skirt and blue shoes.”
Joke #12328
PRISONER 654789: “Do you know what a kleptomaniac is?”
PRISONER 763986: “Sure, that’s a guy who helps himself because he can’t help himself.”
Joke #12326
A man rushed into a police station and said to the officer behind the desk, “Do you believe in free speech?”
The officer answered, “I sure do.”
“Fine,” said the man. “Can I use the telephone?”
Joke #12325
JUDGE: “How can I be sure you’re telling the truth? You say you were only going 20 miles an hour in your car?”
DEFENDANT: “Yes, Your Honor, only 20 miles an hour. You see, I was on my way to see my dentist.”
Joke #12324
Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage, but they sure do help.
Joke #12323
Being a mugger isn’t that great a job. The hours are good and the pay is high, but there’s no medical coverage.
Joke #12322
JUDGE: “Your wife says you beat her up every night. She claims you come home mad and hit her with rights and lefts. Is that true, Mr. Henkly?”
HENKLY: “Don’t believe her, Judge. She’s punch drunk.”
Joke #12309
JUDGE: “Tell the court how old you are, Ma’am.”
LADY: “21 years and some months.”
JUDGE: “How many months? Remember you’re under oath.”
LADY: “127 months.”
Joke #12308
POLICE RADIO DISPATCHER: “Calling car number 709, calling car 709. Be alert. Someone is stealing your hubcaps!”
Joke #12307
PRISONER NO. 6583198: “You say the cops arrested you for going only 20 miles an hour?”
PRISONER NO. 7805407: “Yeah! But it was in somebody’s living room.”
Joke #12306
Stopped by a motorcycle cop, the driver didn’t say a word, but his wife sitting in the back seat said, “He wasn’t driving any faster than he always does.”
Joke #12305
Overheard in a police station: “If I had your face, I would hire a pickpocket to steal it.”