The irony of modern medicine: Hospitals make you better and medical bills make you sick.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12932
Hospitals are so clean, you can eat off the floor. And the way they prepare food, that’s where most of the meals end up.
Joke #12931
OVERHEARD IN A LOCAL STORE: “I asked my doctor how I was, and he told me not to buy any long-playing records.”
Joke #12930
“Sir, we need a doctor’s excuse if you’ll be missing work today.”
“Okay. I won’t be in today because I’m playing golf.”
Joke #12929
I don’t see how anyone can get well in a hospital. Almost everybody you meet there is sick.
Joke #12928
Plastic surgeons never pick up hitchhikers. They believe everyone should pay for a lift.
Joke #12927
A doctor finished his examination and said to his patient, “My advice is to stop drinking and smoking and get plenty of sleep. Also stop staying out all night. That’s the best thing for you.”
The patient gulped and replied, “To be honest, Doc, I don’t deserve the best. What is second best?”
Joke #12926
There’s something new on the medical market. It’s called the Hypochondriac’s Almanac. It’s the perfect gift for people who swear they have everything.
Joke #12925
Modern medicine isn’t that great. Doctors still can’t explain why or how a man who’s healthy all through the work year gets sick on the first day of his vacation.
Joke #12924
DOCTOR: “Miss Smith, contrary to what you seem to think, you do not get Hong Kong flu from eating contaminated Chow Mein.”
Joke #12923
DOCTOR: “How’s the woman who swallowed the spoon?”
NURSE: “She hasn’t stirred at all.”
Joke #12922
A dentist told his patient, “I’m sorry, but your eye tooth will have to come out.”
The patient yelled, “I’ll still be able to see, won’t I?”
Joke #12921
Did you hear about the psychiatrist who put wheels on his couch so he could make house calls?
Joke #12920
A man went to see his doctor. The doctor said to him, “Are you following my orders to only have one drink a day, Mr. Jones?”
Mr. Jones replied, “Yes, I am, Doctor. Right now I’m up to March 5, 1985.”
Joke #12919
One thing you can always count on. That’s getting sick or having an accident as soon as your medical insurance expires.