#1082: “What are you in for?”
#1081: “For feeding the pigeons in the park.”
#1082: “Just for feeding the pigeons?”
#1081: “Yep! The cops caught me feeding the pigeons to the lions in the zoo.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13252
A man was convicted of robbery and sentenced to ten years in jail.
His attorney visited him soon afterwards in his cell and told him, “now listen, don’t worry about a thing. I’m going to get you a new trial. I’ve got new evidence. We’ll get a change of venue. I’m getting you a complete new deal and you’ll be free. Just don’t worry about a thing. In the meantime, if you get a chance, try to escape.”
Joke #13251
JUDGE: “Mr. Nerpo, you have been acquitted on the charge of bigamy. You can go home now.”
MR. NERPO: “Thanks! But which home?”
Joke #13250
There was a crook who pointed his finger at a man and said, “Stick ’em up. I need the money to buy a gun.”
Joke #13249
JUDGE: “Who was driving when you ran into the truck?”
PRISONER: “No one was, Your Honor. We were all in the back seat singing!”
Joke #13248
Did you hear about the really mean warden? He put slices of bread in the pockets of prisoners before he gave them the electric chair.
Joke #13247
JUDGE: “Why do you rob banks?”
CROOK: “Well, Your Honor, that’s where the money is.”
Joke #13246
Did you hear about the absent-minded gangster who took a sack with a body in it to the laundry and threw his dirty clothes in the river?
Joke #13245
“Tonight, we’re going to burglarize a ladies’ lingerie company,” the boss said to his mob. “And just remember one thing — I don’t want any slips.”
Joke #13244
I think the kid next door is going to grow up to be a gangster. For Christmas, he asked Santa Claus for a violin case, a shoulder holster and a ton of cement.
Joke #13243
A crook walked up to a man and pointed a gun at him. “Stick ’em up,” he yelled.
“Stick what up?” the victim asked.
“Look, don’t mix me up,” the crook replied. “This is my first job.”
Joke #13242
PLAINTIFF: “Your Honor, the defendant drove down my street in his car, hit me and knocked me into some bushes twenty feet away. He’s guilty of reckless driving.”
DEFENDANT: “Maybe I am, Your Honor, but he’s guilty of leaving the scene of an accident.”
Joke #13241
GANGSTER: “I wouldn’t say Sharkey writes rubber checks, but I would tell you this. You can dribble his checkbook.”
Joke #13240
Did you hear about the robber who was so crooked, he could hide in the shadow of a corkscrew?
Joke #13239
Joe Smith is a con man. I’d never trust him. Before I’d agree to one of his deals, I’d see a lawyer. And if the lawyer approved of the deal, I’d see another lawyer.