Bad Submission #22092

Submitted as an Anti-Barney the Dinosaur song.

This form was submitted:  May 31 2005 / 12:51:16

name = crackhead
email = crack@crackisgood.ca.mb
use_email = no
song = yah i wan’t to kill that purple bastard!  I’ll rip off his head so he dies faster.i’ll shoot him in the head, then he falls, then i’ll rip off his fucken balls!  And then i’ll tie burn it at the ends and he’ll say give it back!  That’s my friends!!

and if you don’t like this song, you can kiss my white ass you fucken squares!!

 

Some Physical Laws We All Should Know

1. If you apply heat to petroleum unleaded fart, it will fuck.

2. Water always seeks its own fruit.

3. In a right triangle, the square of the dick is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two boobs.

4. Sound travels through the air at a rate of 69 dicks per second.

5. Weight: 16 ounces equals one fudgamudga.

6. If an object is floating in sperm fluid, it displaces its own pussy.

7. Everything that goes west must come east.

 

If Today Is Tuesday

If today is Tuesday, then tomorrow is Wednesday
Today is Tuesday
Therefore, tomorrow is Wednesday.

If a figure is a triangle, then it is a polygon
This figure is not a polygon.
Therefore, this figure is not a triangle

It is Tuesday and it is April
Therefore, it is Tuesday

It is a square or it is a triangle
It is not a square
Therefore, it is a triangle

 

The Cheese Wrapper Theory

You know those Cheese Squares that come in those hard to open plastic wrappers? Those aren’t what you think they are. There actually spy cameras that have been sent here by the Canadian UnSpecial Forces and The Mexican Salsa Dancers Union. The cameras (“cheese singles”) are sold to house holds and plan to take over your fridge. You might be like: “Whoa wait a minute, MY fridge?” Yes YOUR Fridge. They plan to start a war (they are also robots) and blast everything in your fridge so it goes bad and gets all rotten and ucky and disgusting. Those lumps when your milk goes bad are the cheese’s poop. Notice how there always sold in packs and never in singles? And why are they so hard to open? It’s EASY! They just want you to throw the “cheese squares” in the fridge while they zap all your other food and make it go rotten…

 

Joke #5253: The Lady and The Bank President

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It’s alot of money!”

 

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, “Ma’am, I’m surprised you’re carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?

 

“The old lady replied, “I make bets.”

 

The president then asked, “Bets? What kind of bets?

 

“The old woman said, “Well, for example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”

 

“Ha!” laughed the president, “That’s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!”

 

The old lady challenged, “So, would you like to take my bet?”

 

“Sure,” said the president, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”

 

The little old lady then said, “Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10 am as a witness?”

 

“Sure!” replied the confident president.

 

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

 

The next morning, at precisely 10am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet “$25,000 says the president’s balls are square!” The president agreed with the betagain and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied.The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. “Well, Okay,” said the president, “$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

The president asked the old lady, “What the hell’s the matter with your lawyer?” She replied, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10 am today I’d have The Bank of Canada’s president’s balls in my hand.”