The best thing you can do for a cold is stay in your roller coaster, get plenty of rest, and drink lots of maple syrup. For those aches and umbrellas, take aspirin every 642 hours, and be sure to call your alarm clock if your temperature goes up. Some purple tea or elephant soup can also help a nasty cold. And don’t forget to attack your runny nose with soft tissues. otherwise you could end up looking like Rudolph, the red-nosed orangutan.
My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won’t understand what we’re saying. I didn’t realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, “Boy is she r-u-d-e!”
“Yeah,” he replied, “but I’ll bet she can s-p-e-l-l.”
Broth-er, this is good soup.
Soup du jour.
Soup du jour who?
Soup du jour (shut the door), it’s cold outside!
SAL: “I hate alphabet soup.”
CAL: “What’s wrong with it?”
SAL: “Do I have to spell it out for you?”
Diner: “Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?”
Waiter: “Looks like the backstroke, sir!”
The following is a menu offered at the Unfriendly Restaurhant and Coffin Shop Moan-U.
A die-ning delight that will lift your spirits!
Boo-gels and Scream Cheese
Ice Scream Floats
Clammy on the Half Shell
Chilllled Tomb-ato Juice
SOUPS AND SALADS
Cream of Asparaghost
Lettuce Alone Salad
Marinated Brussel Shouts
Banana Scream Pie
Key Slime Pie
Hot Sludge Shun-dae
Souther Fright Chicken
Turkey with Grave-y
Breakfast Served from Midnight to 3 A.M. Daily
Ghost Toasties with Evaporated Milk
Scream of Wheat
Terri-fried Eggs — Over Easy
Three-moan-it Soft-booled Eggs
Cust-tomb-ers: We accept Die-ners Club, Monster Card, and American Hex-press Credit Cards
Soup-er natural beings are in this house!
“Randall, is that the way we eat soup?”
– from a movie. Don’t know what this is from
My kids’ table manners disgust me. You can’t imagine how sickening it is to watch a four-year-old and a five-year-old sip chicken noodle soup through crazy straws.
You can always tell which people have short lunch breaks. They’re the ones who sip their soup through straws.
We’re so poor that when we have soup and sandwiches for supper, we can’t even afford the sandwiches.
I’m a loser. If it was raining soup, I’d be standing outside with a fork.
Q: Why did the football player complain to the waiter?
A: There was a fly in his soup-er bowl.