Quote #23910

My self-summary

“I like to fuck guys”

I’m really good at

“Sex! What else?”

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

“Pornos, Enchiladas, I’m not a reader :(”

The six things I could never do without

“Sex, Lingere, Food, Men, Living, Breasts”

On a typical Friday night I am

“Watching pornos and eating chinese food. Also shopping w my girlfriends.”

– from a girl’s dating profile

 

Joke #18731

After a long day of shopping, my mother and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my mother there waiting for me.

“Mom,” I said, “what are you doing in here? I left the motor running.”

“It’s all right, dear,” she replied reassuringly. “I locked the doors.”

 

Joke #18719

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.

But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents’ private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

“Yes!” the 4-year-old said, “and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it’s a girl we’re going to call her Christina, and if it’s another boy we’re going to call it quits!”

 

Joke #18599

My husband had reluctantly agreed to come shopping with me.

But when he found himself stuck in a lingerie shop while I tried on one garment after another, he regretted his decision.  Impatient and bored he asked a salesclerk, “Is there anything in the store for men?”

“Sir,” she said, “everything in this store is for men.”

 

Joke #18579

As a secret shopper for a large department store, my sister made purchases at various chains and then reported back to supervisors on the clerks’ performances. After a few weeks, I asked her if she was enjoying her new job.

“I love it!” she replied. “I’m getting paid for doing two of my favorite things in life — shopping and criticizing people.”

 

Joke #5317

There was a brunette mother who had two teenage blonde daughters.  She asked them if they could paint the house while she went shopping.

They both agreed, and right before the mother left the house, she asked them not to get their clothes dirty. So then she took off, and the two blondes obeyed their mother by taking off their clothes so they wouldn’t get them dirty.

Then when they were about halfway done, they heard a knock on the door, so without opening the door, they asked who it was, and the person on the other side answered “the blind man.”  So the two blondes thought, ok, he’s blind, he cant see anything…so they opened the door and the blind man said, “nice tits, ladies, but where do you want the blinds?”