The Clutch In My Van

Parody of Britney Spears – Touch Of My Hand

She learned to drive at an early age….

I’m not ashamed
To use the high beam,
I find myself parking
When the light is green…

When my tires are blown
I practice my show,
And ride my clutch
With the curtains closed…

And I know my poor brain ain’t right…
When I’m standing by your side…
I’m thinking about
My van all the time..
Motor oil is on my mind.
And where & how it will apply
I love my shelves
Covered in sheep skin
I can’t control this van I’m in…

Cause I’ve just discovered,
My van’s taking over…
I’ll have to hide it from my mother-
The more I come
To understand
The clutch in my van…
And where it’s at
In between my seat
Lately Ive been noticing,
The blisters on me..
The wrinkled up skin
When I’m oily & gray,
I’m learning to drive
In a most serious way..

And I know my poor brain ain’t right…
When I’m standing by your side.
I’m thinking about
My van all the time…
Motor oil is on my mind
And where & how it will apply

Cause I’ve just discovered,
My van’s taking over…
I’ll have to hide it from my mother-
The more I come
To understand
The clutch in my van…

 

Joke #18423

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the “Are you going to park there?” look.

His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn’t want the space.

“You must be single,” he replied. “If you were married, you would’ve known that was the universal sign for ‘Go ahead and take the spot.  I’m waiting for my wife.'”

 

optimist

optimist – n. a person who buys a car and hopes he’ll find a parking space before the car is paid for

;} a person who lights a match before asking to borrow a cigarette

;} a person who starts a diet on Thanksgiving

;} a person who swears off liquor on New Year’s Eve