Joke #12641

A football scout returned from the hills of Kentucky and told his boss, “I found a kid up there who is six feet, nine inches tall and weighs four hundred pounds.  He has hands like hams and a neck size of thirty inches.”

The college coach jumped up from behind his desk and shouted, “He sounds like what the team needs.  Bring him in.”

“I can’t,” said the scout.  “His chain only reaches ten feet.”

 

A (stupid) Story

As told by Ms. Signs.

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I was trying to cross the dance floor to the phone, but getting through the crowd was like trying to part the Red Sea. Since I’m more of a Woody Allen than a David Robinson, I decided to give peace a chance and wait for a while. Suddenly, I saw a virtual Mel Gibson who looked lost. I decided to play the Good Samaritan and go help him out. I hoped he wouldn’t see me as the Elephant Man’s Twin sister or something. Unfortunately, these Beavis and Butthead characters started trying to talk to me and they wouldn’t go away. it was like I was Linda Hamilton in “The Terminator.” They kept staring at me as if I were dressed like Madonna. One of them was even wearing a hat like Gilligan! By the time I ditched them, the Mel Gibson character had pulled a Jimmy Hoffa.

 

The Ham Pan Story

As told by Mrs. DYKE

There was this lady that always took off 4 inches the back of her ham. One day, her girlfriends said, “why do you cut the back 4 inches off your ham? You’re not supposed to do that!” She said, “I don’t know, that’s what my mom always did.” So she asked her mom why she cut the back 4 inches of the ham, and her mom said, “because my pan couldn’t hold the last 4 inches of the ham.” That’s the relation between the Opium Wars and my butt