Jingle Bells Song #21904

Jingle Bells
Santa smells
Easter’s on its way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a beat up Chevrolet!

(Repeat x1)

Dashing down the road
In a beat up Chevrolet
Down the street we go
Gasping all the way

Horns on traffic go
Engine smoking thick
What fun it is to drive and make
People get real sick, oooooh

(Chorus x2)

Now my time’s not right
What a real sad sight
Motor’s blown some oil
Making my blood boil

Rods and pistons gone
What a horrible funk
Because I owe JD Byrider
Five grand for this piece of junk…oooooh

(Chorus x1)

Jingle Bells
Byrider smells
Creditors on their way
Because I owe $5000 bucks
On this beat up Chevrolet!!!

 

Tongue Twisters

– Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.

– Seventy sailors sailed seven swift ships.

– Joe jumps joyfully in June and July.

– Davy Dear ducks Dinah Dear daily.

– Fast Freddie Frog fries fat flying fish.

– Hairy Harry Hartley hurries home.

– Slippery southern snakes slide swiftly down ski slopes.

– Billy Bunny burst his big beautiful blue balloon.

– Fran fans Fred frantically.

– Fast Frank fries frankfurters and french fries.

– How many bagels could a Beagle bake if a Beagle could bake bagels?

– Seven silly skunks sighed sadly.

– Little Linda Lamb licks her lovely lips.

– “Shoot, Sally,” Slim Sam shouted shyly.

– Wee Willy whistles to wise Wilber Whale.

 

Joke #9196: Saving the Easter Bunny

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explained, “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What in heaven’s name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?” The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”

 

10 Reasons Why the Easter Bunny Brings Eggs

1. Big Ass Tax Write-off.

2. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

3. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.

4. He gets a good deal from the local chickens.

5. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.

6. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.

7. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.

8. Would you want to hunt for Christmas Balls?

9. He thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year.

10. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job!

 

Joke #5269

Three Blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…”

“Wrong!” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, “What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, “What is Easter?” The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.”

“Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously.

“Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continued, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out…and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.”