Gotta

(Chorus of annoying little kids are in italics)

I Gotta –
Gotta what?
I Gotta –
Gotta what?

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
(long and heavy guitar solo)
(whispering repeatedly as the solo goes on) Gotta poo Gotta poo Gotta poo Gotta poooo

Here we go!
Splash!
Here’s another one!
Ba-doop!
Here we go here we go go go go gooo!
Sploosh splash splash splooosh!

(the guitar makes farting noises instead of notes now)

Poop! Gotta gotta –
Poop!
Gotta Gotta –
Poop!
Stupid Kids!
(the kids start crying)

blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah!!!!

 

Joke #18722

My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won’t understand what we’re saying. I didn’t realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.

An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, “Boy is she r-u-d-e!”

“Yeah,” he replied, “but I’ll bet she can s-p-e-l-l.”

 

Joke #18706

Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son’s a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.

The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally, he asked, “Are those your kids?”

“Yes, they are!” I answered proudly.

“They adopted?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“I thought so,” he concluded. “I figured you’re too old to have kids that small.”

 

Joke #18658

Most elementary school children will be able to tell you that the first American flag was made by Betsy Ross.

What they are not taught was that she was also a social scientist who developed the techniques now used by Gallop and others.

It started when she asked a group of colonists what they thought of the flag she had made. This was the origin of … the flag poll.

 

Joke #18621

A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center’s high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum.

“Well,” said the director, eyes twinkling, “today we are studying the children’s favorite philosopher: Play-Doh.”

 

Joke #18542

One day a child at my four-year-old’s preschool class told her classmates that she needed a ‘damp towel.’

Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.

The teacher stepped in to explain, “If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?”

A little girl blurted out, “She means she wants that towel right now!”

 

You Know You’re a Mom When…

You know you’re a mom when…

– Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor — and you don’t care.

– When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone’s bleeding.

– You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

– Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

– Popsicle’s become a food staple.

– Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

– You’re willing to kiss your child’s boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.

– You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

– You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

– You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.

– You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

– You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

– Your kid throws up and you catch it.

– You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet… you still managed to gain 10 pounds.