Gross-Out Top 5 Lists

Always…

1) Look both ways before crossing the street. (Road kill should always be small animals.)

2) Eat your cereal before it gets soggy. (Gag me with the spoon.)

3) Drink your milk before it gets hot. (Barf, anyone?)

4) Clean those crusty things out of your eyes before you try to walk around in the morning.

5) Give your teacher an apple; just check for worm holes and rotten parts.

Never…

1) Eat greasy food before going on a roller coaster. (Sometimes what goes down does come up.)

2) Pick your nose and park it on the bedpost. (Who wants to see that later?)

3) Have Doritos before going on anything resembling a date. (Breath with a bad attitude.)

4) Drink anything anybody hands you. (Lugey alert!)

5) Wet the bed if you’re on the top bunk.

 

Joke #9266: Power Breakfast

Every evening, a mother and her young son, knelt down beside his bed so he could say his prayers.

One night, obviously bored with the same old prayer, the little boy said: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake……can I have breakfast with you in the morning?”

 

Joke #9265: Wild Hearts Can Be Broken

A blonde man comes home from work and hears his wife yelling. He runs up the stairs and finds her in bed naked; the blonde asks his wife what’s wrong.

She says she’s having a heart attack. He runs downstairs to call 911 where he finds his 5 year old son.

The boy cries, “Daddy, uncle’s in the closet naked!”

So the dolt runs back upstairs and opens the closet and sure enough there was his brother naked in his closet.

“I can’t believe it!” he yells, “My wife has an emergency and you’re running around scaring the kids!”