Deadly Tower of Monsters, The (PC) Review

Developer: ACE Team | Publisher: Atlus USA || Overall: 8.5

B-Movie science fiction is always characterized by its low-budget charm.  You could see right through the awful costumes, terrible props, and strings the monsters would hang off from — all of which added to the fun.  The Deadly Tower of Monsters seeks to recapture this aesthetic of effects supplanted by computer graphics… by replicating them with computer graphics.

ACE Team, the developer of The Deadly Tower of Monsters, did an amazing job in recreating the B-Movie feel as you play, keeping it interesting throughout.  The set up for the story begins as if you are watching the “movie” on DVD with commentary by the belligerent director, Dan Smith.  As you defeat stop-motion monsters, while completing missions across the sprawling tower, Dan Smith will acknowledge and give background on certain aspects of the production — breaking the fourth/”fifth” wall, reminding you that you are “watching a movie” while playing the game, or rather listening in on the recording session for said commentary.  There are a lot of layers here.

Though the game is not usually laugh-out-loud funny (there are a few great jokes), it is entirely tongue-in-cheek.  Throughout, they introduce new elements that kept me consistently amused.  The attention to detail adds to the goal of being a successful B-Movie homage and the commentary track spreads a layer of cynicism about the film industry on top.  It is important to listen to the commentary while you play, as it is an integral part of the story, and the uniqueness of the game.  Your typical gaming tropes are also explained away using movie tropes, such as blaming watching deleted scenes for when you die and the director “intentionally” wanting the actor to stand still for five minutes “because it is artistic” if you decide to idle for a while.  Some of these tropes are less clever than others, but the narrative essentially includes all of your deaths and “mistakes” as part of the experience.

The visuals and art style are very important to the successful execution of the B-movie homage.  A stop-motion frame-rate effect is used on many of the monsters and is one of the best effects used.  Since most of the game runs at a higher-frame rate than an actual movie would, the most “filmic” part of the game comes with the stop-motion effect and serves to distinguish it from the rest of the “movie” quite well.  Homage is paid to practically every genre of classical sci-fi, with obvious references to Star Trek, Planet of the Apes, and others including dinosaurs, bugs, an evil scientist, giant robots, clones, and a galactic emperor among a wide range of other characters and monsters.

The level design of the tower is essentially a humongous and vertically sprawling 3D platforming level.  You will go for what seems like miles in mostly one direction: up.  While the prevailing theme is space technology, on the ground-level you will encounter things like mutant insects and dinosaurs.  As you climb, the tower is very elaborate and changes themes more meticulously within science fiction.  You will encounter aliens, disembodied brains, space slugs, and other fun monsters.  All parts of the tower are fluidly accessible, and there are no loading screens unless you warp around to checkpoints.

The tower is used to the game’s advantage occasionally.  You are usually tasked with shooting enemies from below in reverse-Space-Invaders style.  At any time you can be knocked off the tower, sending you into a free-fall towards the bottom; mistiming your platforming will also have the same result.  To counteract the annoyance of having to re-scale the tower you can easily warp to any checkpoint, or use an “Air Teleport” button that is available if you haven’t landed on another platform yet.  You also take fall-damage and have a very low amount of jetpack fuel to adjust and break your fall.  Unfortunately, you are not allowed to control the camera very much, which can be annoying at times, but it wouldn’t make sense in the context of watching a movie to be able to switch an angle at any time.  On the plus side, the platforming is designed well enough where this isn’t usually an issue.  For similar reasons, the game is very linear and there isn’t as much exploring to do as you might expect in a 3D platformer.

Combat gameplay is fun and light, and the weapon variety is also great.  Enemies and weapons alike keep the “B-Movie” aesthetic, where you can plainly see re-purposed household items or other everyday items, such as a vacuum cleaner or a puppy, being used as space-age weaponry and monsters.  As you have access to three different characters, their real difference comes in their special abilities.  Dick Starspeed is able to use landmines, Scarlet Nova has a running speed ability, and The Robot is able to use a time vortex ability.  All of the characters will gain more unique abilities you can use during combat and only cost a time-based cooldown, whereas your energy weapons deplete from an energy bar.

Upgrading weaponry, skills, switching characters, and other gameplay systems are accessed via in-game computer consoles.  While they show up often enough, it can detract from the “joy” of playing around with the progression systems and possibly even the “movie” aesthetic.  The systems aren’t very complicated, but it is sort of questionable why they give you 16 different weapons, but only allow you to have access to four at any given time before switching around at a console.  It would have felt better to be able to switch out weaponry through a pause menu (a prop closet?) since in-game consoles aren’t necessarily used in an intriguing gameplay fashion other than to be more props to put in the levels.  The in-game consoles bring up a game-based UI regardless, so the argument for being immersive doesn’t hold very much weight.  It might have also been more convenient to halve the variety of weapons and allow you to use them at all times; instead I just keep four random weapons and rarely trade them out.  Despite that, the variety of weaponry is still a nice part of the game.

Difficulty and challenges in the game are not too bad.  If you die, checkpoints are usually pretty close to where you could possibly die.  That isn’t to say you don’t need to play smart (as health is hard to come by), but the only real punishment for dying is wasting time.  Puzzles aren’t too trying on the intelligence and there’s only a few situations where you need to use one of your special abilities to get items or into certain areas.  There are also miscellaneous missions that aren’t easily earned on your first trek up and will require you to backtrack certain parts of the tower to complete.  One fun side-quest is jumping off the tower and skydiving into floating hoops, using the tower’s height to the game’s advantage.  The game can be pretty short as well, but its nice to be able to get through a whole game in a couple of days.

If you are a fan of classic film and games, you will get a blast out of The Deadly Tower of Monsters.  Even if you aren’t knowledgeable about older sci-fi film, it is a light, fun, and short game that is visually pleasing and humorous.  It is available now on Steam at a sale price of $9.89, and regularly priced at $14.99.

 

Squacklecast Episode 29 – “Air Bag Recall Beyond Darkness Awakens”

Hey everyone!  Sorry for the long break, but we’re finally back with a new Squacklecast.

This time we talk a little bit about the reason behind using aliases on the web site as well as the inspiration/explanation behind the current theme song for the 3rd set of Squacklecasts.  I’ll be debuting a new song for the 4th set (Episodes 30 through 39) with Episode 30.

With David Bowie‘s passing this month, we go into David Bowie‘s career and what movies/music we personally have interest in when it comes to him.

The Prestige is the most notable acting performance to me, other than knowing he was in Labyrinth.  Music was obviously a big part of our exposure.

davidbowieprestige

The Man Who Fell to Earth is the movie Billy referenced to.  The Hunger, as well.

Red Dawn has been stuck on my desk for like six months.  I never seem to have “time” to sit and watch a movie for 2 hours because there’s so many other things to do (like this).

Netflix DVD was on its way to being called Qwikster at some point.  We talk about the effects of the movie/TV show streaming on small rental stores.

Fierce Creatures was the most recent “rare” DVD I’ve had to get from Netflix because it was a very long wait.

I finished Quantum Leap last month, and I’m still watching Gotham, but its on break.  They announced plans for a possible spin-off in the future.

The new Star Trek series speculation.  What we think it’ll be like and what we hope for.  Battlestar Galactica discussion.

…and Star Wars discussion   What else did you expect?  The Force Awakens was released since last podcast, and we talk about why Star Wars has become such a big cultural relevance.

starwarsforceawakensreyfinn

A deeper Star Trek movie discussion commences after.

Other random movie stuff, like Die Hard, Terminator: Genisys, etc.

We go into a longer discussion of Terminator: Gensisys and talk about how laser weapons, time travel, and killer robots are much more believable than one billion pre-orders of an operating system.  Also, the movie seemed to be trolling people after the third time travel jump.  They also turned Terminators into metal zombies.  It was basically one big cartoon of a movie.

It’s a lot easier to remember what you didn’t talk about when you do more than one podcast every 3 months.

See ya guys next time!

 

Ridiculous Spam Mail #24501

Nice to meet you, my name is Ella. My boyfriend dumped me today in the morning.
I got so sad, that I first wanted to get drunk, but later I realized that finding a fuck buddy will be a better medicine for me.
Can you heal my broken heart with your magic cock? Get it out of your first aid kit and inject it through my vagina.

 

WoW Chat #24500: Bunnylol -> davepoobond

Bunnylol: (whispers me two Chinese words)
davepoobond: lol hi
Bunnylol: chinese
davepoobond: japanese
davepoobond: look at these!
Bunnylol: sorry
davepoobond: are you a girl?
Bunnylol: lol
Bunnylol: yes
davepoobond: can i ask u a question?
Bunnylol: no
davepoobond: y not?
davepoobond: do you like america?

 

Quote #24499

At work, I was getting a call from Crios.  I was letting the phone ring a little bit longer than usual because I as typing something.  Right before the last ring I picked it up.

Crios (screaming):  PICK UP THE PHONE, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!

davepoobond: Hi… how’s it going?

Crios: OH.  Sorry.  I wasn’t directing that at you, it was just a little road rage.

davepoobond: Oh, okay…

And then I helped him out with his issue.

 

Rolls of Justice

INT. Apartment-type room.

PORTER RODELL fumbles around with the camera as he sets it up.

PORTER
Fucking tripod, I don’t understand this shit.

Porter leaves the camera alone and walks back a little bit.

PORTER
Okay I’ve had enough of this shit man. Nick and his supertanker of an ass seemingly use up all the toilet paper in the house, constantly. That shit is expensive. And he’s a fucking—

The video cuts, and in Porter’s place we see NICK STALWHART, Porter’s roommate.

NICK
I’d just like to say that Porter has got it all wrong. I don’t know what Porter uses all of his toilet paper on, he still smells like he doesn’t wipe his ass.

PORTER (Off-screen)
2 squares bitch! That’s all you need! 3-ply Quilted goodness filleting my taint!

NICK
Man, you’re gross!

Video cuts again and Nick and Porter are in front of the camera.

NICK
Alright, let it be known that starting today, we will monitor both of our toilet paper usage on video.

PORTER
And we’ll finally prove that you’re trying to destroy our toilet with your massive shits.

NICK
Man, shut up!

PORTER
You’re always in there for thirty minutes, at least!

NICK
I like to watch videos.

PORTER
What the fuck?

Nick stands up and turns off the camera while Porter looks at him in astonishment.

Cut to Nick holding the camera and recording two new rolls of toilet paper. Nick’s name is on one roll and Porter’s is on the other.

NICK
To test our hypothesis, we have two new rolls of toilet paper. All previous rolls of toilet paper have been burned as to prevent any cheating. These rolls will be used until gone. When one is used up all the way, we will compare to the other roll to see how much is left.

Nick moves the camera to look at Porter.

NICK
Say hi to the camera Porter!

PORTER
Man, FUCK YOU!

PORTER smacks NICK but you only see PORTER’s hand go off-screen.

Cut to Porter holding the camera and walking around the house to a closed door.

PORTER
The time is now 7:05 pm. Nick has been in here since six FORTY FIVE.

NICK (Behind door)
HEY! What the hell are you doing out there Porter?

PORTER
Nothing Nick! Nothing at all!

NICK (Behind door)
You’re a fucking liar!

PORTER
HEY FUCK YOU

NICK
EAT ME!

PORTER
OH YOU SON OF A BITCH

PORTER fumbles with the camera and it turns off.

Cut to Nick holding the camera and looking down at the rolls of toilet paper.

NICK
After one day, we are about even. For reference we have another new roll of toilet paper.  About 1/8 of an inch has been used off each of the respective rolls.

PORTER
Respective? I hate that word! Why do you use it? You’re such a lamer!

NICK
It’s not lame to be sophisticated!

PORTER
And it’s sophisticated to have a good vocabulary?

NICK
Actually, yes.

PORTER
Then I’m glad I’m not sophisticated because I don’t want to be a sour gummy bear!

NICK
A what?

PORTER
That’s my word for being the ultimate form of stupid! See, I can be sophisticated too, with my extreme mastery of the English language!

NICK
Fucking Porter.

Cut to Nick holding the camera.

NICK
There has to be some way of disproving Porter’s 2-Square Law. It’s impractical, and I know he’s lying. I must go to the source. I have been able to trap a flush of Porter’s… “business” by rigging the plumbing to dump into a basket outside. As I do not want to get the camera dirty, I will investigate and report back in due time.

Cut to Nick gasping.

NICK
Oh god, I dug through his shit for like 20 minutes. I couldn’t find ANY toilet paper at ALL. I am now of the persuasion that this man does not use any toilet paper at all! No wonder he always smells like fecal matter!

Cut to Nick holding the camera as he goes toward Porter on the couch.

NICK
Ah-ha! There you are! You’re a goddamn louse – a cheater at the very least!

PORTER
What the fuck are you talking about?

NICK
You sick fuck! I trapped one of your toilet flushes in a basket outside. There was no toilet paper at all!

PORTER
Wh-wh-what the fuck did you just say?

NICK
YOU DON’T USE TP!

PORTER (breaking down)
I-i-its true…I don’t use toilet paper at all. I’m allergic to it, my legs chafe after I use it. I have to…use my hands!

NICK
WHAT THE FUCK!

PORTER
But it was to my benefit! I would have won this raspberry-filled chocolate of a contest!

NICK
But wait a second, that doesn’t make any sense. If you don’t use toilet paper, then how come your toilet paper roll has been steadily decreasing?

PORTER (shrugging)
I dunno…

NICK
There is a saboteur in our midst! There is only one person that can be behind it! Or two.

Camera style changes from this point on. Becomes more like a normal movie.

Nick and Porter walk slowly to a closed door with no lights on behind it.

Nick and Porter look at each other. Nick gulps and then knocks on the door. As he knocks on the door, the door creaks open, obviously not shut all the way. The room is dark.

NICK
Um…hey uhh…Alan? Are you…are you there?

PORTER (whispering)
He’s not here let’s go, let’s just drop it.

NICK
Shut up! I heard something!

A growling noise is heard.

ALAN
Grrrrrrr…

Nick and Porter take a step back.

ALAN
Who the FUCK is that?

NICK
Ummm hey Alan, it’s Nick!

PORTER
And Porter!

ALAN
I know who it is! What the fuck do you want, you dweebs?

NICK
Uh well…Alan I was wondering…

PORTER
We were wondering if you knew how much we owe you for electricity!

NICK
No, actually, Alan…

PORTER
Shut up, I don’t want to ask him anymore!

Alan peers out through the cracks of the door.

ALAN
What……is it……!?

NICK
Well, you see Alan, Porter and I, you see…

ALAN
That’s the most intelligent thing you’ve said.  “I see.” — I DO see. I see two stupid mother fuckers wasting my god damn time. Do you know how that makes me feel?

PORTER
HAVE YOU BEEN STEALING MY TOILET PAPER??

ALAN
Oh God. What the hell is this shit?

PORTER
Have you been stealing my toilet paper?

ALAN
………YES, its true! Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I only put up this macho man appearance so that you would be scared to ask me about your toilet paper disappearing.

Alan opens the door wide and grovels at Porter and Nick’s feet.

ALAN
I’m soooo sorry…I can’t make excuses for what I’ve done in the past. The only thing I ask of you is to please not punish me too badly for what I’ve done!

NICK
I don’t believe this.

PORTER
Me neither.

ALAN
Its not like you’re using it anyway, I figured what would be the problem, you know. I wish I could scoop it all out with my hands but I’m not that kind of person. I’m not, however much I try. I come from the slums of Burbank, you know? We don’t have luxuries like Toilet Paper or CD players or air for that matter!

NICK (whispering to Porter)
What the fuck is he talking about?

PORTER (whispering back)
I don’t know, I thought he was your friend?

NICK (whispering)
He is, but we grew up in Anaheim…

Porter shrugs.

ALAN
And then there was the time I went to the bowling alley and played Revolution X until my ears bled from too much Aerosmith.

Nick picks up Alan and shoves him back into his dark room.

NICK
That’s why we don’t give you any light bulbs Alan! I’m afraid of what you might do if you could actually see what’s around you!

PORTER
That kid’s fucked up.

NICK
It’s not like Alan to make decisions on his own. He was put up to it by someone else…

Nick and Porter appear in front of another door.

NICK
I’m sure he was the one that made Alan steal our toilet paper.

PORTER
Are you sure you want to confront him? It’s only been 7 days since he’s tried to foul up our Cranium game.

NICK
Cranium is a different matter. This is Toilet Paper!

Nick and Porter enter the room without knocking and are face-to-face with their enemy.

NICK
Nathaniel.

A sinister-looking man stands in front of his window, facing Nick and Porter.

NATHANIEL
The infamous Nick and Porter. Your shenanigans have become tiresome in this household. I have brought it upon myself to bring you down.

PORTER
Downstairs?

NATHANIEL
No.

NICK
But we’re upstairs.

NATHANIEL
Shut up.

PORTER
I don’t get it. This is kinda Almond Joy-ish.

NATHANIEL
Almond Joy what?

PORTER
Perplexing.

NATHANIEL
What the fuck are you talking about?

PORTER
Almond Joy-ish. It means perplexing.

NATHANIEL
What the fuck?

NICK
A myriad of vehement staplers are on their way to crush your impotent dreams of grandeur, Nathaniel!

NATHANIEL
Ok, I’m so fucking lost right now.  You two are fucking idiots. Just leave my room. I’ll give you the rent check later.

Cut to Nick and Porter outside Nathaniel’s room and the door shuts behind them.

NICK
Well, that was easy.

PORTER
Milky Way.

NICK
Would you stop that shit?

PORTER
I can’t, it’s the different things I call my creations as I scoop my ass.

NICK
Oh god.

NATHANIEL (off screen)
WHY IS THERE A BASKET OF SHIT UNDER MY WINDOW OH GOD IT SMELLS SO BAD!! I’LL GET YOU NICK AND PORTER!

NARRATOR
And the conspiracy to bring down the emperors of 307A had been demolished. Nick and Porter went on to become CEOs of AIG and Lehman Brothers at the same time, while Alan became CEO of Washington Mutual. Nathaniel stayed at home with his mom after college and worked at the local bookstore until he was forty as a cashier. Being fuddled by Nick and Porter had taken its toll on him and he lost all reason for living. He now has 50 max-level characters on World of Warcraft and sells gold to friends around town.

Moral of the story is: If you shit in a toilet, wipe up.

 

Message Quest (PC) Review

Developer/Publisher: Royal Troupe || Overall: 7.5

Heroes come in all shapes and size, and that’s precisely the problem in Message Quest. Published and Developed by Royal Troupe, Message Quest takes a step back from the usual hero’s story and focuses more on the one that literally delivers the hero’s call rather than the hero receiving it. Set in a land about to fall to ruin, the laziest member of the Order of Heralds must deliver an important scroll to an even more important hero in an attempt to save Avarange. The problem is that Feste, our main character, would much rather laze about than bother finding a hero who could be just about anybody. Thus leaving the player as both his conscience and fourth-wall-breaking audience member, you must goad, manipulate and eventually encourage Feste to complete his noble quest. The player will find a point-and-click adventure along the way.

Who Done It
Unfortunately, the answer to who killed Mr. Boddy remains
to be found.

The first thing you’ll notice about Message Quest is the art style. Bright tones and dark outlines give it a style similar to any stained glass window you’d find at a church, mosque, synagogue or personal shrine to your favorite anime character (I don’t discriminate).  Furthermore, each character has distinguishing features that are often exaggerated to easily tell them apart and add to their charm along with their mannerisms and random sound effects they make. As for the other sounds you hear, the music is littered with melodies that remind you of renaissance fairs or classic fairytales. Thankfully, despite the short length of the game, there are enough arrangements to prevent any individual song from going stale.

 

Message Quest is pieced by equal parts story and gameplay. The story section consists of a charming, but not too intricate, tale about Feste overcoming his laziness and being introduced to the virtues of hard work and responsibility. Unfortunately, it didn’t convince me that a lifetime of laziness can change in a story that probably played out over the course of a few days. Especially for a person who I had to literally drag out of their home to start the quest. There is also an interesting dialogue tree mechanic where you pick what each character in the conversation says, though in implementation I didn’t find it all that necessary considering it never really changed the story’s outcome. Still, there is a bit of fun in the tale and some nice references to other fantasy and classic tales as well. The characters are also amusing, though a bit one-dimensional.

Responsibility Stool
We need more virtue based furniture. I suggest the honesty sofa,
the loyalty table and the chastity bed.

The gameplay was really average at best and mostly consists of an assortment of jigsaw puzzles, and the usual point-and-click affairs of clicking on and manipulating objects in the background to advance the story. It’s hardly even difficult to lose track of your objectives, with the game having a convenient scroll at the top of the screen that tells you exactly what you are looking for, plus another button that shows you which items are clickable. The truly interesting bit was the odd battle mechanic this game featured. It more of a mental combat meant to deplete an opponent’s will and pump up Feste’s own will with a funny assortment of actions like jogging, making a puppy-dog face and playing dead. Though fun, it didn’t happen nearly enough for me to truly enjoy it.

Battle System
“Don’t make me pee my pants, woman!”

Overall, Message Quest is a pretty decent game that doesn’t quite hit all of its high notes. It’s very pretty, has a decent story and so-so gameplay. It’s also pretty short with it taking me all of an hour and a half  to complete, even as I took the time to explore my every option. To make up for the length of the game, the price point is befittingly lower, coming in at just under three dollars on Steam. While Message Quest isn’t necessarily ground breaking or a shining example of its genre, I can see it being the perfect video game chaser to play in between longer games since there is still some enjoyment to be had.

When not writing reviews as Unnamedhero, Eduardo Luquin can be reached at unnamedheromk13@gmail.com.

 

Mighty Crew: Millennium Legend (Android) Review

Developer/Publisher: AminiLab || Overall: 7.0

Claims are tricky things. At one end of the spectrum, a confident boast can garner the attention of the masses. Big and bold claims are usually preceded with both naysayers and hype-builders in equal measures, but the important part is that it gets people talking. At the other end, claims can also serve as the minimal measure by which something is then graded. A product or person loses a degree of novelty when they merely match their claim and it usually only results in a passing grade no matter how impressive the feat. The whole act is lacking the element of surprise and played down in foresight. Worst yet, if the claimed isn’t reached, the following disappointment makes it look much worse. This is usually why it pays to be careful when making a claim and why humble beginnings are often times best. With that in mind, prepare yourself for the best damn video game review to ever grace the eyes and minds of mankind.

 

Taking a break from my usual types of reviews, I’m going to examine the claims made by the game Mighty Crew and see how they stack up to the finished product. Mighty Crew is a free-to-play offering by the folks at AminiLab for both your iOS and Android devices. Though don’t let that sidetrack you, I still plan to give all two of my loyal fans a high quality review (Hi Mom!). A review score and my usual half-assed critical approach will follow.

 

“Mighty Crew: Millennium Legend – is like the Mario, like a nordic Mario-berserker armed cap-a-pie!” – Excerpt from the Official Website

No, not at all. Mighy Crew may be a lot of things but comparing it to “the Mario” seems like a misstep.  The game doesn’t even have a reliable jump mechanic and most of the game happens on a single platform, making it neither a Mario game or much of a Platformer in general. I’m also sure that “cap-a-pie” isn’t actually a word no matter what google or Merriam-Webster has to say about it. The game doesn’t even have a serious subplot where the protagonist hides his drug addiction behind cute item names: “Super Mushroom,” “Fire flower.” Yeah, right.

viking_mario_by_dlax1
….and to no one’s surprise, you can find anything
on the internet.

“Is a beautiful meld of action and RPG, of slasher and side-scroller.” – Excerpt from the Official Website

That’s more like it! “Slasher and side-scroller” is a much more apt description of the game than being any sort of implied Mario clone coupled with Viking overtones. Mighty Crew plays more like an old-fashioned beat ’em up with some RPG elements throughout. The typical progression has the player going through the level killing everything in sight, and gaining EXP and items along the way. The EXP and items are used to acquire new abilities and increase stats respectfully. Though why the website would contradict itself on the same page, and much less the very same paragraph, about its own genre is anyone’s guess. But for now, the point goes to Mighty Crew.

 

“Hundreds of Tools of Destruction” – Line from Trailer.

Indeed. The game offers you quite the selection of items and a generous amount of equippable spaces to outfit your character. The items ranging from mundane to rare, even those in the same categories have noticeable differences between them. While one may be a typical sword that simply hacks away at a monster’s life, another may slice ’em, dice ’em, light them on fire and spread that fire to any other monster that touches them until all that’s left is a wonderfully crisp buffet of monster meat. Of course, some of the better gear is kept behind a pay wall but even something like the sword that I just mentioned is available for free. I just so happened to be lucky enough to earn it as a reward. So for this claim, I proclaim it as the truth.

 

“Entertaining Dialog You’ll Never want to Skip!” – Excerpt from the Official Website

I’m sorry. I skipped. I skipped a lot. The dialogue really isn’t all that interesting and it often only serves to give you a primer on where the characters are, why they decided to go there or who they need to alleviate from their oxygen addiction. There are attempts at character throughout the conversations between Princess Vallindoria and the mighty barbarian you control but they mostly fall by the wayside during the heavy exposition. The story isn’t anything great as it is a typical tale with all too familiar beats; nothing really outstanding.

 

“Manual Controls and Autofight.” – Line from trailer

To explain, Mighty Crew gives you two control options for your barbarian badass. The first is an automatic option that basically has you pointing your character in a general direction and watching them fight. With a simple press on your phone’s screen, the character will walk to that location and automatically fight anything within range. The other option gives you more direct control, offering both a virtual joystick and an attack button to control your character. Both have their benefits, though while the automatic option makes it easier to manage your special abilities, I preferred having more direct control of my character. Regardless, the game plays fine in both options.

boss_king_black_0
Protip: Using the Manual control, you can avoid all damage by
staying at the center of this boss up until its second form.

“Free Boost to Upgrade your Stats.” – Line from the Google Play page

Not so much free as they are “free”. There’s a price to pay, it just doesn’t come out of your pocket. Instead of money you are required to invest time as the game “treats” you to an ad (many times for another mobile game) for one of three random boost. Though the upgrades are very helpful since they can increase your health, damage or critical rate, the ads are a surefire way to break any immersion the game attempts. This isn’t even the only example of their liberal use of the word “free”, the game also offering one “free” resurrection per level if you are willing to watch the accompanying ad. Still free is often only associated with money and these ads are entirely optional, so in this case, I’ll give Mighty Crew a “point” for technically backing up their claim.

 

“No Time to Run Test! Mighty Crew Release!” – Excerpt from the website

In a rare case where I wish a claim made by a game company wasn’t true, this game could have used a bit of quality assurance. Even worse, the particular problems I ran into could have been easily caught with some testing. More times than I could count, I would defeat all of the enemies in a stage only to be trapped there waiting for the completion screen to show up. My dauntless hero denied a warrior’s death by faulty programming that forces me to restart the game instead of the evil that stalks the land like a true champion. A bit of testing could have also helped to root out another of the games major detriments: the repetitiveness. The game is a constant slog of entering a stage, killing everything, and upgrading, which then mirrors itself upon reaching the next stage. Sure, there are things to do in-between and playing it in short burst can stave off the impending boredom a bit, but the monotony is still present. I can only hope that some future testing can fix these two problems.

Dungeons
T
hankfully, the game does mix it up with its level design. You’ll traverse the
long and flat cave, the long and flat dungeon, and…you get the idea.

“Find out how good our designers, wich are have made out game style so comic-attractive and brutal in the same time.” – Excerpt from the website

Nope. Not even trying.

 

So with three claims in the bag, two claim denied, a point I would rather keep in quotes, another claim that I wish didn’t go through and a big fat nope to end it all, we come to a grand total of 4+”1″ out of 8 or just 5 out of 8 claims kept if you round up. If my math is correct, it isn’t all that much lower than the 7.0 score I gave it up top. Mighty Crew isn’t terrible, but it isn’t terribly good. If played in short bursts it could even be a fun time waster. For now though, I leave you with a claim that I can keep. This is the end of my review for Mighty Crew and I’ll see ya next time.

When not writing reviews as Unnamedhero, Eduardo Luquin can be reached at unnamedheromk13@gmail.com.

If you are interested in trying out Mighty Crew: Millennium Legend, you can use the following codes for free in-game currency:  #press20x (1000 crystals) and #gift20 (100 crystals).

 

The Driving Test

You must turn on your headlights ____ minutes after sunset and leave them on until ____ minutes before sunrise.

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When a traffic signal light is not working, you should...

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You must look for bicycle riders in the same lanes used by motor vehicles because they:

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You are getting ready to make a right turn. You should:

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If you must drive in the fog, you should use:

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A yellow curb means:

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A pedestrian crossing at a corner has the right-of-way...

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You want to change lanes. To be sure the lane is clear, you should:

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You sold your vehicle. You should notify ______ within 5 days.

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It is illegal for a person under 21 years of age to drive with a blood alochol concentration (BAC) that is _____ or more.

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While you are driving, you notice a car ahead which is flashing its hazard lights. What does this mean?

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When should you not take your legal right-of-way?

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You want to merge onto a freeway. You should drive:

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To turn left from a one-way street into a one-way street, use:

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If your car has an air bag, you should use your seat belt:

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Which of the following is true about double parking?

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Generally speaking, you know you are in a truck's blind spot if:

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Safely backing your vehicle does not include:

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There is a railroad crossing ahead and you see flashing red lights warning you of a train coming. You must

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You are stopped at an intersection before pulling into the intersection. You look:

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Blocking an intersection during "rush hour" traffic is not permitted:

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How far ahead should you scan for hazards while driving?

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You should use a turnout lane when:

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If you get sleepy while driving, you should:

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Which of the following could best contribute to improved traffic flow?

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Which of these is a good way to spot driving hazards?

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Orange construction signs warn you:

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Driving under the influence of any drug which makes you drive unsafely is permitted:

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You have injured someone in a traffic accident. Who must complete the accident report?

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If you are being tailgated, you should:

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The speed limit in a school zone is...

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When can you merge into a bike lane for a right turn?

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When should you use your headlights?

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You just rear-ended the car in front of you. You were probably:

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The speed limit in an alley is...

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