Bad Submission #24705

Submitted through the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.

This form was submitted:  Apr 19 2008 / 04:18:46

name = barney dieses
email = emmadave
use_email = yes
song = banenry you suck dick you will diey cuse will put a bulit in you head.how likes zoey101 and icarly jack and josh the naked bothers band sponge bod ned dei class of id shcool scvier gide.hto dance on sunset do you wath nick this are all the shows zoey101 is my favotie,

 

Bad Submission #24701

Submittred through the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.

This form was submitted:  Dec 21 2007 / 04:39:39

name = Evil Duck
email = fake@fakanoid.com
use_email = yes
song = I love Chemistry.

I love Barney, you love me,
Lets go swimming in the sea
With a huge snorkel and diving things
And lets go blast the starfish rings.

HAHAHAHAHA beat that,

 

Bad Submission #24690

Submitted through the Anti-Barney the Dinosaur Song submission form.

This form was submitted:  May 12 2008 / 16:53:57

name = John smith
song = That Barney’s dead. Let’s hang Barney from a tree! What does this have to do with Barney? So let’s kill the f***ing b**** that is Barney. Barney sucks. He’s bad, he sucks, and he’s a nuisance to adults everywhere. HE’S SO DUMB HE CAN’T BREATHE. Let’s hang Chemistry from a tree. And while we’re at it, let’s damage Barney’s reputation. He’s almost as bad as Chemistry. Let’s hang Barney from a tree. Let’s make Barney go on a killing spree. Barney sucks more, though. Barney had some cannibals.With a punch and a kick and a bite from here to there. Barney’s in a grave, that’s where! So no one can frickin drive in this frickin world Let’s hang them and also Barney and Chemistry. Let’s hang Barney from a tree. Let’s all plot to kill Barney. No more purple dinosaur!
Barney is a asshole

 

Hate Mail #24562

From: Joel D.

Date: 01/05/07

Subject: Ur website!!!

Message:

Hey mate i dont no wat the fuck is with ur jokes but their shit. their not even racist ya dumb shit. ur a messed up mother fucker to be cracking jokes about babies like the ones on your site. and just for the record ur a faggot for even thinking to put that shit up.

 

“You’re So Fat” Insults

These can also double as “your mom is so fat” or “your momma is so fat” etc…

You’re so fat…

…when I tried to swerve out of the way, I ran out of gas.

…your belly button gets home 15 minutes before you do.

…when you jumped into the ocean the whales started singing “We are Family.”

…when you did the Nae Nae you hit the sun then people thought it was the end.

…you could sell shade.

…Goodyear wanted to fly you over the Super Bowl.

…when you fell in love you broke it.

…when you have to haul ass you have to take two trips.

…when you were diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave you 10 years to live.

…you can’t fit in this joke.

…the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

…when you sit around the house you sit AROUND the house.

…the post office gave you your own zip code.

…when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house.

…when you sat on an iPhone it turned into an iPad

 

Bad Submission #24441

Submitted using the Jingle Bells song submission form.

This form was submitted:  Aug 10 2004 / 21:34:21

name = butt_fuck
jinglesong = Jingle bells my dick smells cause i stuck it in ur ass all because u asked me kindly and said u’d wipe ur ass…… HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ASsHOLE

 

California Water Saving Tips

California is in a perpetual drought.  We need tips!  Tips that will help save water!!!

– There are a number of ways to save water, and they all start with you.

– Rip out all of your grass. Dirt needs to be watered a lot less than grass.

– Use only paper plates and plastic-ware.  Water isn’t used to make those things.

– If you want to take a 15-minute shower, just don’t eat a hamburger.  You save water in what is probably a completely different state than California, and you don’t have to feel bad about it.  Those damn cows drink as much water as a 25 minute shower at least.

– Only use water from water bottles, they are probably not from California, maybe.  The likelihood goes up if you buy something labeled as a foreign country or place.

– Use vodka to make your Kool-Aid.

– Don’t drink water, drink your own sweat. It’s like recycling your own water.

– Bathe in fire.  It kills more germs.

– If you take a shit, remove the shit from the water, take it to work and flush it there.

– Wash your hands with your pee.

– Import ice from the North Pole/Antarctica.  It is melting anyway.

– Move out of California.

– Continue to disappoint your mother and harvest her tears.

– Shoot people who use water.

– Travel back in time and use the water before its gone.

– Use only your hands to drink water.

– Don’t eat fruits or vegetables.  You won’t waste water having to wash them.

– Keep a pitcher of water next to the toilet, that way any toilet water that splashes out goes down you and not on the floor.

– Reuse leftover water from the nuclear reactor to cook your spaghetti.

– Don’t cook food that requires water.

– Don’t buy fruits or vegetables that originate from California.

– Freeze water, that way it expands and you will have more water.

– Wash your laundry in another State.

– Don’t wash your clothes.  Use them one time and then return it to the store.

– Don’t take a shower.  You’ll save like a bajillion gallons of water a month.

– Put food coloring in your toilet.  It will mask the unpleasant color your unflushed piss and poo water will create naturally.  Don’t let FoodBabe know.

– Upgrade older toilets with rocket capability.

– Turn off the water while you brush your teeth.  That will save 40 gallons a minute.  That’s up to 250,000 gallons a day for a family of 6748.

– If your toilet was installed before 1992, thank the plumber.

– Consider a dual-flush toilet.  It will flush your toilet twice and use twice as much water.

– Take showers instead of luxurious baths.  You’re getting clean here, and only babies take baths.

– Don’t have children that use water.  Birth only dirt babies.

– Avoid having fun with water.  Fun wastes water.

– Avoid recreational water toys, they use water.

– See a leak you can’t fix?  Learn how to by going to plumber’s trade school for a year.

– Steal your water from a multinational corporation that isn’t based in California.

– Remove the cement from your driveway so that water can flood your home and not drain into the ocean.

– Start calling California “Arizona” instead of “California.”

– Plant alien plants that require human blood to live.

– Consider converting your home into an alien spaceship that does not require water to run.

– Start a compost pile in your bedroom.  This keeps the compost pile from evaporating its precious water.

– Don’t jerk off in the shower anymore.  Or just jerk off without the water on and then clean up afterwards.

– Plant water-hating plants.

– Hire the 10 year old kid next door to rip out your irrigation system.

– Catch water in an empty tuna can.  Then drink it.

– Use your hanging basket plants as pinatas.

– Only have sex in the Jacuzzi, the swimming pool needs too much water.

– Make your swimming pool tacky by removing waterfalls and stupid bullshit that makes it look nice.  Then you won’t want to swim in your pool anymore and you will contemplate just getting rid of the whole thing.

– Get rid of pesky pets that need water to survive.  Pet Rocks are coming back in style.

– Post a hotline in bathrooms that people can call so they can finish their shits faster.  I don’t know how this saves water, but I can at least take a shit since I’ve been waiting for 10 minutes!  God damn!

– Water-shame people who keep water in a bottle that is clearly not purchased from a store new.

– Do not drink processed water, it is unhealthy for you, similar to processed meats.  It is not as nature intended!

– Clean water is man-made, therefore it is unnatural and unhealthy!  It takes a lot of water to make clean water.

– Don’t put water inside water.  You lose the water you are putting inside of the water as it becomes just one water.

– Appoint a water ambassador to the ocean and beg it for rain.

– Marry or seduce a televised meteorologist and convince them to say there will be rain coming on the news even if it isn’t true.

– Strike up a conversation with a plumber and ask them how the plumber the seven seas.

– Lick dishes of their food and dirt instead of rinsing with water.  You can also get a dog to do this.

– A recent study showed people care about water usage.  Ain’t that cool?

– Destroy all decorative fountains you see.  Especially ones that are not yours.

– Don’t wash your car ever.

– Pee in the shower.

– Pee outside.  Select a private space near a bush you don’t particularly like and go at it.

– Don’t let children maintain a swimming pool.  They suck at math.  It is dangerous because they might miscalculate how much water to put in the swimming pool and that would suck for when you were having sex in there.  There is also a higher chance of them seeing you since they are responsible for the swimming pool.

– Get your girlfriend wet everyday and then water the plants with her.

– Start using wet humor instead of dry humor.  Or in this case, drought humor.

– Kill anyone who is doing a rain dance in California, they are obviously failing and are probably making things worse with their awful dancing.  Then water the plants with their blood.  It rained after all!

– Grow some clouds and then explode them all over your plants.

– No more sex in the shower.  Or just have the water off if you have sex in there.

– Lick things clean, such as your car or yourself.