The Lost Money Theory

There is a lot of money that goes unspent.  In fact it is so unspent that it is LOST.

I’m not talking about money burned down in a fire or whatever.  I’m talking about money that still exists in the form it was created in, but is in a place where it will never be used again.

Take for example, a lowly penny on the ground.  Pennies are worth less than the metal that is used to create it.  Not only is this two cent piece of metal only worth one cent, but to some its not even worth keeping.  It gets thrown away into a trash can or stuffed into an empty soda bottle and shipped off to a landfill.

How many thrown away coins are sitting in landfills right now?  How much “accidentally” thrown away money is sitting somewhere never to be used again?

It is in my professional opinion that there is enough to take a damper on the economy.  We’ve ultimately wasted resources to create things that are meant to be used, only to have them thrown away.  How many millions of times would that penny have passed through hands?  How many times would that torn up one dollar bill been passed through a stripper’s ass crack?

These are trying times, friends.  We need to take a look at how we physically use our money.  We need to make sure every penny is spent wisely, and not thrown away.  We need to press our pennies into weird shapes at amusement parks for 50 cents.  Avoid throwing pennies into wishing fountains that do not get cleaned out regularly.  A lake is not a wishing fountain, do not throw your nickels and dimes into lakes.  Instead, throw it off the Empire State Building, where it can implant itself into someone’s head, to be removed at a later date and spent on a Snickers bar by the doctor who just spent 8 hours in surgery trying to remove it.

We must not devalue the very thing that is tantamount to our culture — money.

 

“Immigration Interview” Breakdown

This entry is part 6 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I kid you not, this is the exact text from which I found on a poster board at my high school.  The spelling and grammar errors are exactly as they appeared on this poster board.  I found this around 2004, and wrote up my part of the article when posting.

“An interview with Helen
Made by her son Michael

Q: What was your impression of America before today?
A: peaceful life and today my view of America is I hope there are no more wars

I don’t even know where to begin.  How is it a view of America to “hope there are no more wars”?  You make it sound like America has always been in a war.  I guess we’ve been in one for 10 years, and since this was answered around 2004, guess you’re very not impressed by America anymore or something.

“Q: Why did you leave Burma so suddenly?
A: a riot broke out in the city I was living in from a group from Chinese government”

One riot and that makes you get on a boat and go 5000 miles across an ocean?  I’m sure there’s something more, I don’t know, MEANINGFUL to pick from a list of reasons for leaving Burma.

“Q: if you went back in time and if did not have to any place you went what would it be?
A: China”

You’re not even from fucking-China.  You’re from fucking Burma!  Also, what the fuck kinda question is that to ask?  Who the fuck cares if she can go back in time to an indistinct era to just “go somewhere.”  What the fuck is she gonna do by going back in time?

“Q: Why did you immigrate to Canada instead straight to America
A: the weather was good and there are many more job opportunity”

So, when you got on the boat to go to Canada, they handed you a brochure which outlined “the weather is good” and “there are many more job opportunity?”  How the fuck do you know that if you’re getting on a boat in Burma?

“Q: what the reason that most of your family members stayed in Canada instead of coming down?
A: the health care union was very good”

And I guess you didn’t care enough about health care which prompted your movement to the United States?  I don’t get it.  If you were so inclined to move, then why not the rest of your family?  This is about as ridiculous as the reason you chose to leave Burma.  This woman sounds very finicky.

“Q: in your opinion how is life in the United States differ from life in Canada?
A: there is more stress in America while in Canada it is more of a relaxing life”

Not only does she leave Canada for nondescript reasons, she says Canada is BETTER than the United States.  Why the fuck didn’t she just go back to Canada if it was too stressful for her?

“Q: if there were no riots in Burma would you have still made the immigration to America?
A: most likely because I wanted a better life”

Yeah, right!  You just said the only reason you left Burma was because of the riots.  I don’t think you actually know what you would have even done.  How would you know if the weather was good or not if it wasn’t for that handy brochure they passed out on the Passage to America boating line?

“Q: what is one thing that is important to you in America?
A: My job”

So, let me get this straight.  Your son, interviewing you for his class, asks you what is important to you in America.  And you say your job.  You don’t say your son, who is standing right there asking you this question, hoping to hear something that would make him learn how to write English better, but no.  You throw it back into his face and tell him that your stinking 9-5 that you somehow convinced someone to let you have is more meaningful to you than your son or your family in America.

“Q: what is the most charitable thing you have coming to America?
A: security, financial stability, and many others”

This question doesn’t make any sense.  On top of that, the answer makes even less sense.  How the fuck is security and financial stability even considered charitable?  What the hell does it even mean to have something charitable by coming to America?   English is hard.

In closing, this lady is fucking stupid.  Just looking at her responses makes you wonder what the hell she was smoking.

No wonder American values are going down the drain, stupid foreigners are teaching their children that the most important thing in life is your job, and not your family or something like that that is more important.  Even non-foreigners are teaching their children this.  I blame everyone.

I hate older generations.

 

A.M.T.

Parody of the song “AC/DC – T.N.T.”

Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!
Math!

See me sit in the desk at school

From your white board at the front of the class
Out for all that I can get
If you know what I mean
A girl to the left of me
And a guy to the right
Ain’t got no pencil
Ain’t got no eraser
Don’t you start no test

Cause I’m in AMT It’s algebra!
AMT! and I’ll fail that test!

AMT! I’ve done this before!
AMT!  I’m doing it againnnnnnn!

I’m bored, mean and not listening
I want to leave
I don’t like the teacher
Understand?
So lock up your pencils
Lock up your erasers
Lock up your pencil box
And run for the door
The man is in the back of the room
To the left, in the second row against the wall

Cause I’m in AMT It’s algebra!

AMT! and I’ll fail that test!

AMT! I’ve done this before!

AMT!  I’m doing it againnnnnnn!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math! Math! Math!

AMT! Math!

It’s algebra! (Math! Math!)

AMT! Math!

And I’ll fail that test! (Math! Math!)

AMT! Math!

I’ve done this before! (Math! Math!)

AMT!

I’m doing it againnnnnnn!!!

 

I Have to Go to Work at 1

Parody of A*Teens – Dancing Queen.

You can EAT, the SALADDD, I don’t care what you do with your hair
See that girl, she’s a ho, I work at one today

Friday night and I get to work
Looking out for number 1 (me)
Where they hand out prescriptions, and astroglide
You come into look for sales
Anybody could have those items
But you come in to see me, not really
With a bit of 90s music, everything is ok
Not in the mood for a dance
And when you go home…

I’m still working, I started at one, only eighteen
I work at one, feel the beat of the cash register
I can’t dance, I can’t bike or swim, its safe to say my life sucks
See that girl, there’s no way I’ll tap that ass

I’m a teaser, I make them mad
When the price isn’t the same as the one they saw
Looking for another, anyone will go
They’re in the mood to be a bastard
When they don’t get the price they want

I’m still working, I started at one, only eighteen
I work at one, feel the beat of the cash register
I can’t dance, I can’t bike or swim, its safe to say my life sucks
See that girl, there’s no way I’ll tap that ass

(fade)