My wife makes the only meat loaf in town that has to be cut with a hack saw.
Tag Archives: wife
Joke #13130
The other day a wife said to her husband, “We’ve been married ten years and it’s been five years since you put your arms around me and gave me a hug.”
Looking her right in the eye, the man replied, “Don’t blame me. Blame your eating habits! It’s been five years since I could get my arms around you!”
Joke #13063
At a perfume counter of a department store, a man said to a woman clerk, “It’s for my wife — do you have any perfume that smells like money?”
Joke #13054
Bank teller to man at his window in bank: “I’m sorry, Mr. Page, but your wife beat you to the draw.”
Joke #13007
HAROLD: “I just got a new dog for my wife.”
LOUIE: “Sounds like a real great trade.”
Joke #12906
OVERHEARD: “My wife not only has kept her girlish figure, she has doubled it.”
Joke #12881
EXPLAIN THIS: A man who takes money out of a man’s pocket without permission is a pickpocket. A woman who takes money out of a man’s pockets without permission is a wife.
Joke #12877
Two old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years met one day.
The first man asked, “How’s everything, Jimmy?”
His friend answered. “Not so hot. My wife ran off with a vacuum salesman. My son was arrested for stealing cars, and my daughter is in the hospital with two broken legs. Besides that, I’m turning gray, my teeth have to be yanked out tomorrow, and my dog died yesterday.”
His friend shook his head and said, “Golly! That’s very sad. By the way, what business are you in, Jimmy?”
“I sell good luck charms!”
Joke #12873
I can tell you how Mr. Webster began his dictionary. One night Noah got into an argument with his wife and one word led to another.
Joke #12871
Did you hear about the fat man who was so overweight that his wife had to let out his shower curtain?
Joke #12862
I heard a story about a husband whose wife was never pleased with any present he bought her. So one Christmas he decided to give her cash as a gift. Naturally, she exchanged it for something else.
Joke #12843
MAN: “Just once I’d like to be able to win a golf game.”
WIFE: “Then why don’t you play against someone other than your boss?”
Joke #12835
GOLFER #1: “My wife said she’d divorce me if I don’t give up playing golf.”
GOLFER #2: “Wow! That’s tough. What did you do?”
GOLFER #1: “I haven’t missed an alimony payment or a golf game yet.”
Joke #12793
“I have a magic savings account at the bank.”
“What do you mean?”
“My wife makes money disappear from it.”
Joke #12787
It’s time to start an exercise program when your old rival for your wife’s hand tells you how young and fit you look.