America just made it through another snowy winter. Last year record lows were established. It was cold, but it could get worse.
You know it’s freezing outside when…
– your water bed turns into an ice cap.
– your false teeth chatter and they’re not even in your mouth.
– you run outside sobbing and your tears freeze.
– conservationists find “Big Foot” frozen to death.
– city workers can’t get the snow plows started.
A dentist told his patient, “I’m sorry, but your eye tooth will have to come out.”
The patient yelled, “I’ll still be able to see, won’t I?”
DENTAL INSTRUCTOR: “Gentlemen, how much should you charge a patient for a toothache?”
DENTAL STUDENT: “Don’t be ridiculous, Professor. Who’d want to buy a toothache?”
“Yesterday I saw a dental hygienist having a fight with a manicurist over a doctor.”
“I’ll be they were battling tooth and nail.”
Two old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years met one day.
The first man asked, “How’s everything, Jimmy?”
His friend answered. “Not so hot. My wife ran off with a vacuum salesman. My son was arrested for stealing cars, and my daughter is in the hospital with two broken legs. Besides that, I’m turning gray, my teeth have to be yanked out tomorrow, and my dog died yesterday.”
His friend shook his head and said, “Golly! That’s very sad. By the way, what business are you in, Jimmy?”
“I sell good luck charms!”
BILL: “Wanda isn’t that bad-looking. She does have even teeth.”
WILL: “True! It”s the odd ones that are missing.”
If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds. Your blind date is a dud if:
– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.
– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.
– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.
– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.
–
If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers. Girls, your blind date is a loser if:
– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.
– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.
– He shows up driving a hearse.
– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.
– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.
– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.
You can’t win with kids. I ordered mine not to chew gum so they wouldn’t get toothaches. They swallowed it whole instead and got stomach aches.
DENTIST: “I’m going to put a cap on that tooth, Mr. Hennerson.”
MR. HENNERSON: “At these prices, you’d better make it a hat!”
LADY: “Sir, you have a filthy mouth!”
OLD MAN: “That’s impossible. My teeth spend every night in a glass of water.”
Q: Why are kids with rotten teeth happier now?
A: They’re capitalizing on that "Beverly Hillbillies" look.
Q: Why are kids with rotten teeth more popular now?
A: Because with really rotten teeth, you don’t notice the body odor.
Talk about rotten luck. Last year I won a lifetime supply of salt water taffy and the very next day I had to have all my teeth pulled out.
Q: What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
A: At tooth-hurty.
goltooth – n. a gold tooth