A guy goes into a clothing store to buy a new suit, but he doesn’t want to spend too much money. The tailor shows him a really nice suit for $400, but the guy says it’s too much. He shows him another suit for $200, and the guy says it’s still too much. After showing him several others, he finally shows him one for $10.

“That’s more like it!”, the guy says, and he goes to try it on. He comes back and looks in the mirror and one sleeve is about two inches shorter than the other.

“No problem,” says the tailor, “Just hunch up your right shoulder.”

So the guy hunches his right shoulder way up, and the sleeves look OK, but the lapels are crooked.

“No problem,” says the tailor, “Just stick out your left arm and cock it like a bird’s wing.”

So the guy sticks out his left arm and the lapels look OK. But then he notices that one pant leg is shorter than the other.

“Well, just keep that leg stiff,” says the tailor, “and no one will notice.”

“I’ll take it!”, the guy says.

So the guy leaves the tailor shop wearing the suit, walking with his left leg stiffened, one arm stuck out like a bird’s wing, and one shoulder hunched way up.

As he’s walking down the street he passes two orthopedic surgeons. One of the doctors says to the other, “I have never seen anyone in such bad shape in my twenty-five years of practice!”

“Me neither,” the other doctor says. “Nice suit, though.”

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Gary’s Tux n’ Shit

October 11, 2007 davepoobond (DPB) Leave a comment

(a man, Gary, is sitting cross legged in a chair)

Gary: you’re gonna love the way you look in one of my suits. Each suit is personally tailored by me or one of my thousands of other employees if you’re not making an annual income of over 3 million dollars, or offering sexual pleasure for free for me. Let’s see some of the tuxedos you can get!

(cuts to men in tuxedos walking out in a model show, with flashing lights and people taking pictures for about 2 minutes. It gets really boring because you can’t really tell any difference between the suits, then a fat man in a pink suit walks out, and everyone stops, and you can hear “whaa?” from everybody)

Fat Man in Pink Suit (in a gay voice): hey guys! The directions you gave me were wrong! I had to give a few BJs to get some information on how to get here.

(cuts to Gary in the corner of the room)

Gary: Larry! Go away! You’re ruining my commercial!

Larry: hi Gary!

(Larry waves gay-like at Gary, not listening to what he said)

Security Guard: HEY FOOL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

(Security Guard walks over to Larry and puts his hands to his hips)

Larry: don’t be so silly, I’m the star of the show!

(Larry pets the Security Guards chest, also gayly)

Security Guard: ok, that’s it! Self defense!

(Security Guard pulls out his nightstick and clocks Larry in the chin)

Larry (on the floor): ow! My chin! I use that for oral sex!

Security Guard: shut up!

(Security Guard takes out a handgun and shoots Larry full of lead)

(cuts back to Gary in the room with him sitting on a chair. He has an amazed look on his face and blinks a few times. He looks back at the camera and then smiles like nothing happened)

Gary: so remember, come on down to Gary’s Tux n’ Shit. If you’re wondering about the “shit” part, we sell lots of accessories for your tuxedo, as well as shit! If we didn’t we’d be sued for false advertising…

(Gary gets up and walks away)

(fade out)

(end)