You can’t win. If prosperity doesn’t go to your head, it goes to your stomach.
Tag Archives: stomach
Joke #12915
I told my doctor I’m the first man on the face of the earth to suffer from morning sickness. When I wake up in the morning and see my wife in curlers and face cream, I get sick to my stomach.
You Know You’re Getting Fat When…
Being a little overweight is okay. But you know you’re really getting fat when…
– your son plays cowboys and asks if he can use your belt as a lasso.
– your refrigerator handle wears out from overuse
– the shocks in your car wear out twice as fast as other people’s shocks.
– you sit on a metal bar stool and it becomes a metal foot stool when you get up.
– you stand in a room all alone and feel crowded.
– you have to walk through doors sideways.
– you stand on a curb and your stomach blocks traffic.
– you have to use a mirror in order to see your shoes.
– you drop money and don’t bother to bend over and pick it up unless it’s more than a quarter.
– you go for a stroll and the sidewalk creaks.
Joke #12589
PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “I just had lunch an hour ago.”
PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “You mean you ‘think’ you just had lunch.”
PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “No, I’m sure. I ate six stuffed peppers.”
PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “That’s still no proof. You could think you ate six stuffed peppers. It could all be in your mind.”
PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “That’s impossible, Professor. I know I had lunch because I have indigestion, and it’s in my stomach not my mind.”
Joke #12413
You can’t win with kids. I ordered mine not to chew gum so they wouldn’t get toothaches. They swallowed it whole instead and got stomach aches.
Joke #12082
Back from a 20-mile hike, one GI said to another, “My feet are barking so much, they sound like feeding time in the dog pound.”
The other soldier nodded slowly. “Mine too. Whoever said an Army travels on it’s stomach had a poor judgment of anatomy.”
Joke #12071
They claim an Army travels on its stomach, and with the price of gas, it’s much cheaper.
Joke #11677
Q: Why do fat space creatures wear plaid vests?
A: To keep a check on their stomachs.
Joke #11440
Polly: Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
Robin: I just had lunch and I don’t want to swim on a full stomach.
Joke #11260
Q: Should you ever eat chocolates on an empty stomach?
A: No, always on a plate.
Joke #11045
Q: What sound does a dog make when it has an upset stomach?
A: Barf, barf!
Joke #10773
Q: What do you get when you mix franks and beans, a hot day, and a kid with a queasy stomach?
A: I don’t know, but you’re standing in it.