Q: What did Joel say to Kristin?
A: Let’s have sex!
Tag Archives: sex
Joke #5371
GOOD: Your wife’s kinky.
BAD: With the neighbors.
WORSE: All of them.
Joke #5369
GOOD: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
BAD: You live downtown.
Joke #5368
GOOD: Your wife bought a porn video.
BAD: Your daughter’s the star.
Joke #5366
GOOD: Your son’s doing extra credit work.
BAD: Making a sex-ed video.
Joke #5364
GOOD: Your daughter’s on the Pill.
BAD: She’s eleven.
Joke #5357
GOOD: You came home for a quickie.
BAD: Your wife walks in.
Joke #5356
GOOD: You came home for a quickie.
BAD: So did the postman.
Joke #5352
GOOD: Hot outdoor sex.
BAD: You’re arrested.
WORSE: By your husband.
Joke #5345
BAD: Your children are sexually active.
WORSE: With each other.
Joke #5304
Q: Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings?
A: So they can hang their feet up when they’re getting fucked.
Joke #5254: Keep Daddy Thin
One night, a young boy heard noises from his parent’s bedroom. It was hard for him, but he went back to sleep.
The next night he heard the same noises, but once again fell back asleep. Finally, on the third day that he was woken up by his parents, he decides to see what the heck they are doing. So he walks up to his parents room, and sees his mother on top of his father. She is moving up and down on top of him, and they both are making grunting noises. He has no idea what is going on, and decides to go back to bed.
The next morning the boy tells his mother about how they woke him up, and what he saw when he went to see what they were doing. Finally, he asks what was going on. His mother decides he is too young to learn about sex, so she tells him that since his father is getting old and fat, she has to jump on top on him to keep him thin. “But mommy,” the boy exclaims, “That won’t work, cause everyday when you go to work, the next door neighboor comes over and blows him back up!”
Joke #5241: White Guy’s Poetry Lesson
Two friends, a white guy and a black guy, both work together. The white guy came in late one morning and his black friend asks where he had been.
The white guy says, “My wife gives me good sex every night and she kept me up really late last night.”
The black guy says “I can’t get my wife to have sex with me, no matter what! How do you do it?”
The white guy says, “I read her poetry every night.”
His black friend then asks, “What kind of poetry?”
The white guy replies, “Blondie, blondie, eyes so blue, how I want to make love to you.” Then the white guy tells his friend to go home and try it – it’s a sure thing!
The next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late. When he comes in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling.
The white man asks, “What happened?!”
The black man says, “Man, don’t ever speak to me again!”
The curious white man asks, “Well, what did you say to her?”
The black man replies, ‘Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, bend over bitch, and take it like a dog!!”
Joke #5219: Secrets and Lies
One day a man comes home from work and he decides to tell his wife that he has been having an affair with his secretary. When he walks in the door he finds his wife in the living room.
“Um, honey, I got something to tell you.”
“Hold on,” the wife says, “I’ve got something to tell you first.”
“What is it?” asks the husband.
“Well,” the wife begins, “before we knew each other, I . . . uh. . . had a sex change.”
“What exactly are you saying?”
“Simply put,” the wife says, “I used to be a man.”
“My god,” the husband replies, “and you’ve been hitting from the ladies tees this whole time!”
Joke #5213: Birds and the Bees
Morris asks his son, now aged 10, if he knows about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.
“Oh dad,” he sobbed, “at age six I got the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech. At age seven I got the ‘there’s no Easter bunny’ speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the ‘there’s no tooth fairy’ speech! If you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”