Tag Archives: Saturday

John Hopoate (Brown Fingers)

The other year in Aussie Rugby it was Sydney Tigers vs the Cowboys. John Hopoate in the Sydney Tigers tackles one of the footballers in the Cowboys and sticks his fingers right up his date! 😀 And it was caught LIVE on TV :cheesy: 😀 :cheesy:!!! And also made the papers too, front cover big picture of Hopoate with his fingers right up that poor bloke’s date! Hopoate has been known for datefingering other footballers before, and as a result of this incident got 12 months suspension hehehe :grin:!!! Hopoate is now known as either ‘brown fingers’ or ‘date fingers’!

Anyhow here’s a bunch of Hopoate jokes that are from a google group, these ain’t mine:

Shame about being sacked, Hopoate could have rectum.

As much as things change they stay the same: Hopoate was in the shit, then he was caught, and now he’s still in the shit.

If the police get involved, Hopoate could end up in the pokey.

Now that he’s out of the game, Hopoate is desperate and dateless.

Now that he has been sacked, it is rumoured that Hopoate is about to follow Mundine ringside.

John Hopoate has been nominated for an Oscar for his lead role in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger”.

Anagram of Hopoate: Poo Hate!

Rugby league may be a Stone Age game, but it was first to enter the digital age.

John Hopoate has changed his name. He is now known as John Hand-to-party.

Hopoate has changed his name to Stop-a-farte.

Q: Which finger did he use?

A: His ring finger.

Q: How do the judiciary decide on this punishment?

A: Is there a ‘rule of thumb’?

What’s the problem? He was only keeping up to date with his opponents.

Did you hear, with Hopoate the Tigers have gone digital?

The coach claimed the charge was a bum rap! Hopoate’s actions were merely a niggle!

Headline: Police Wash Hands of Hopoate Antics!

Let’s hope he doesn’t bite his fingernails.

A view from a fan: this leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

Hopoate’s defense: it was only a brown eye gouge.

Hopoate’s defense: they were giving me cheek.

Hopoate’s defense: Honest, he was just lying prostate on the ground.

Hopoate’s defense: I saw an opening and went for it.

Hopoate’s defense: The coach told me to penetrate their defenses.

Hopoate’s defense: Its just the old one hand tackle.

He must be getting married. I heard Hopoate was checking out some rings on Saturday night.

Hopoate: the human thermometer.

Q: What’s John Hopoate’s favourite biscuits?

A: Chocolate fingers.

Q: What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a north Queensland cowboy?

A: You can stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q: What’s Hoppa’s favourite cake?

A: A Finger Bun.

“I think the criticism levelled at Hoppa is totally unfounded, he is being fingered for a crime he did not commit”. Coach Lamb.

I heard that Hoppa has a segment on the footy show called Hoppa’s Up-date

What’s the bet Terry Lamb will tell him to pull his finger out

John Hopoate: Public Enema Number 1

Headline: Hoppa “piles” on the tries.

“Players don’t report cases like Hopoate’s because they’d be the butt of all jokes” – Roy Masters (former West’s Coach)

Is the whole thing a three-ring circus?

A chance for Channel 9’s The Footy Show to make something of its “player probe”?

Hopoate to have a cameo role in the digitally enhanced versions of The Lord Of The Rings and Finger of Guilt.

How come Field and McGuinness got six months for cocaine but Hopoate only got 12 weeks for crack?

Do The Hopoate
==============
You put your left thumb in
You pull your left thumb out
You put your left thumb in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hopoate and you turn the game around
And that’s what it’s all about.

The John Hopoate Virus: your computer will insert random digits – often where they are quite unwanted

Perhaps something good will come out of Hopoate’s poking about.

Did you hear the league is going to crack down on Hopoate.

Q: What did the other player sing when John Hopoate stuck his finger up his bum?

A: “Baby you are the one you really turn me on you can stick your finger up my hole again”

Q: What is John Hopoate’s biscuit?

A: Shrewsbury, because of the hole in the middle.

Q: What does Hopoate like doing at a game?

A: Picking player of the match.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony.

Stuck a finger up his arse

and said “I am John Hopoate”

John Hopoate is the butt of everybody’s jokes.

After John Hopoate was suspended Manly offered him a job at the clubhouse. He was to go around the bar pushing in stools.

If They Wed

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it’s the ’90’s!) he’d be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she’d be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she’d be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he’d be Boog Alou.

If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he’d be G. Ghali G.

Nog (Quark’s brother on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”) has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he’d be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she’d be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale. (This one may take a little longer to get)

If Jack Handy (“Saturday Night Live” writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he’d be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.

If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose Tu the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he’d be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all nod understandingly when we heard, “Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy.”

You Know You’re Sick When…

You know you’re sick when…

– you vomit and the vomit mysteriously spells, “fart.”

– you are butt-fucking a goat in the backyard while your mom and the whole neighborhood is watching you, regularly.

– you watch, “I Love Lucy” and fall in love with Ricky and the way he bongs on his bongos and can’t stop thinking how he’d bong your bongos.

– you think the Home Alone Series is intellectual and educational, and your favorite part is when Kevin’s mom screams.

– you have the game “Shaq-Fu” for SEGA Genesis

– you say “cheek cheeky boom boom” when you get arrested when they say, “whatever you say can and will be used in a court of law.”

– you get up in the morning and feel like reading the Encyclopedia Brittanica from A-Z with all the special issues and add-ons for the 5th time in 3 days.

– you throw marshmallows at someone you have a crush on

– you play Bingo with yourself and shout, “BINGO!!” when you get it, you also live with 4 friends that now think your crazy.

– you think a cool thing to do is to dangle a cap from a string and hypnotize people.

– you think walking into a church naked is a funny prank, but even better, is walking into a nudist’s church with clothes on.

– you eat your intestine as a bedtime snack.

– you stick pencils up every hole in your body and run through town, naked, with the pencils in your holes, screaming, “I’m a walrus!”

– you get bees up your pants regularly.

– you pelt yourself, and other people, with pudding every Sunday.

– you use “what is the name of your telephone number” for a pickup line.

– you beat dogs, just cause they show their butthole to the whole world and still “smile.”

You know someone in your family is really sick when…

– the telephone rings and your teenaged daughter doesn’t feel well enough to run and answer it.

– you offer to take your wife shopping for a new dress and she doesn’t feel well enough to get of bed.

– you visit your mother-in-law and she’s too sick to even talk.

– you give away your tickets to the Super Bowl because you feel too ill to go to the game.

– your seven-year-old stays in the house all day and is good as gold.

– your teenaged son gives you back the keys to the car and tells you he’s going to bed instead of to the drive-in on Saturday night.

Dream #23035: The Dream at a Mall

I wrote this on April 13, 2002.

This dream was especially weird, but I can’t remember all the details. I remember I was just there, in the middle of a mall. I look in front of me, and the Wherehouse that I worked at (which wasn’t in a mall) was there.

Since I hadn’t worked there because of Spring Break, I decided to go inside and see what was happening in there.

It was Saturday, and the people I saw working there, I didn’t know, even though I worked on Saturdays. I waved to this guy I saw working there before, and he waved back. The whole store was different than before, it had stereos, satellites, and speakers, kind of like a Good Guys, on one side, and just a couple racks of CDs on the other side.  It seemed like they did it all in one day.

The manager saw me and came over, saying, “hey, what are you doing here?” I said, “nothing, just checkin’ up on ya guys, what’s going on with all this stuff?” The manager said, “you like? We moved around the whole store!”

The manager went away, and I was just kinda looking at the stuff there for a long time, feeling ignored because nobody that was working there was talking to me.

I finally left, and went into the crowd of people outside the store. I started walking towards another place, like I needed to go there or something bad would happen. Or something.

Then I woke up. Later on today, a dog I had for 7 ½ years, since I was 9, died of cancer.