A college athlete told a friend: “Martha is a great tennis player with a powerful backhand. Last night at the drive-in movie, I tried to kiss her, and she slapped me four times.”
Tag Archives: movie
You Know You’re Living In the Past If…
You know you’re living in the past if:
…You think children are to be seen and not heard.
…Detroit stopped making parts for your car ten years ago.
…The last time you went to the movies, they were still censoring people who kissed each other on the mouth.
…You think the most suggestive dance you ever saw is the Twist.
…You think the family car belongs to the parents.
…You think a picket line is a fence.
The Jackal and the Fox
One day there was a Jackal. Was. He got hit by a car. But he wasn’t always road kill. He was a successful banker, a branch manager for a multinational bank that was established in hundreds of forests throughout the land.
That was until the Fox came by to store his pecan nuts. That asshole Fox wasn’t even a customer and he was trying to make them store pecans without even a proper account.
So, the fox went over the Jackal’s head, and got the Jackal fired. How did he know the Fox was a famous movie star, he doesn’t even own a TV. Then the Jackal was pushed in front of a car by his ex-boss’ bodyguards.
Moral of the story: Get a TV.
Joke #12046
A twelve-year-old boy came home from the movies and his mother asked him how the picture was.
The lad said, “A real bomb! I could hardly sit through it the second time.”
You Know Your Marriage Is on the Rocks If…
You Know Your Marriage Is on the Rocks If…
– You say to your mate, “I love you,” and you get a reply of, “So do I.”
– You don’t bother to wear your wedding band because it turns your finger green.
– Your husband celebrates your anniversary by going out with the boys.
– You’d rather play bridge with the girls than spend a quiet night at home with your husband.
– You go to the drive-in with your mate and spend two hours just watching the movie.
Joke #11991
Talk about hypochondriacs. Last week my date took me to a drive-in movie…in an ambulance!
Joke #11955
Q: Where do cows go when they want a night out?
A: To the Moooovies!
Tele-(Phone)-Vision
9:00 – Saved by the Phone Bell
10:00 – Sesa-it’s-for-me! Street
11:00 – Movie of the Week: The Call-Waiting of the Wild
12:00 – Movie of the Month: He’s Not Home Alone Right Now, II
1:00 – Cartoon: Chip ‘n Dial Rescue Rangers
2:00 – Life-dials of the Rich and Famous
3:00 – Lambchop’s Play-a-long Distance
4:00 – Read-ding-a-ling-a-ling Rainbow
5:00 – Rom-per-son-to-person Room
6:00 – Nightly Busy-ness Report
7:00 – Fresh Prince of Bell-Air
8:00 – Phe-wrong-nom-ber
9:00 – Saturday Night Live Wire
10:00 – Hangin’ Up on Mr. Cooper
Joke #11701
Q: When is a movie producer like an astronomer?
A: When he discovers a new star.
Joke #11622
Two space creatures attacked Earth and were in the process of devouring Hollywood.
They found a storage vault filled with movie film and began chomping away on a reel of film, each at a different end, working toward each other.
When they met at the middle, the first space creature said, “How’d you like it?”
“Not bad,” said the other. “But I liked the book better.”
Joke #11483
Libby: How was the movie?
Brian: A real turkey. I could hardly sit through it the second time!
It’s Great to Have Brothers and Sisters Because…
There’s always someone around to blame for starting all the fights!
You’re not the only one who won’t eat the cauliflower!
When you catch a cold or the flu, there’s someone to share it with!
There are more birthdays to celebrate, and more presents that your brothers and sisters will be delighted to share with you!
There’s always someone around who can keep a secret from your mother – at least until she gets home from the store!
Your room is not the only one in the house that looks as if it was in the path of a hurricane!
There’s always someone dying to tell you the end of the movie you’re about to see so you don’t have to waste your time being surprised!
There’s always someone around to help you develop a sense of humor about yourself by teasing you all the time.
There’s always someone else in the house who votes for watching The Monkees instead of the six-o’clock news, so your dad is outvoted again!
There’s someone else who will break your best toys so you don’t have to feel bad that you did it yourself!
There are always interesting phone conversations to pretend you’re not listening to!
There’s someone to gobble up all the cookies and candy in the house before you can get to them or you don’t have to worry about your teeth rotting!
When Mom and Dad are yelling, it isn’t always about YOU!
You’re not the only one who won’t eat liver!
There’s always someone around to fight with so you don’t have to fight with your friends!
Top 10 Cannibal Excuses for Eating Bodies
10. They don’t know the number for the corner pizza take-out.
9. All the good salad bars are closed at night.
8. Bodies don’t have expiration dates.
7. The cannibals are convinced bodies taste like chicken.
6. They watched Alive! too many times.
5. Eating bodies is their solution to the lack of burial plot space.
4. They believe bodies work better than Metamucil.
3. They decided they need more protein in their diet.
2. Bodies are high in fiber and contain no preservatives.
1. They get carried away by the idea that "You are what you eat."
Joke #11248
Q: What’s a cannibal’s favorite movie?
A: With Six You Get Eggroll.
Joke #11244
Q: Why was the Wicked Witch of the West eventually destroyed?
A: She just had a monkey on her back.