“The first thing in the morning is drill, then drill, then drill again. Then drill, drill, a little more drill. Then drill, and lastly dril. Between drills, we drill and sometimes stop to eat a little and have roll-call.”
– from the Civil War
Tag Archives: morning
Joke #13335
Q: Why did the mouse sleep under the oil can?
A: So he wouldn’t squeak in the morning!
Joke #13052
A man rushed into a restaurant one morning and said to the waitress behind the counter, “Will the pancakes be long?”
The waitress replied, “Nope! They’re always round.”
Joke #12915
I told my doctor I’m the first man on the face of the earth to suffer from morning sickness. When I wake up in the morning and see my wife in curlers and face cream, I get sick to my stomach.
Joke #12902
A bachelor was finding it hard to decide whether he should marry a very beautiful but stupid girl or a rather plain-looking creature who was blessed with a magnificent voice. Art triumphed. He married the soprano.
The morning after the nuptials he woke up, took one look at his sleeping bride, nudged her and shrieked, “For heaven’s sake, sing!”
Joke #12828
A prize fighter doing road work with his manager one morning spotted a little girl jumping rope. He turned to his manager and asked, “Who’s she fighting?”
Joke #12791
Doctor Smith phoned Mike, his mechanic, in the middle of the night and said, “It’s my engine again, Mike. I can’t get it started. That car is one big headache!”
“Well, Doc, take two aspirin and phone me again in the morning.”
Joke #12635
TRACK STAR: “I think nothing of running five miles every morning.”
REPORTER: “Me too, I never think of it either.”
Joke #12604
MIKE: “Every morning I jog 5 miles. What do you do to keep in shape?”
SPIKE: “Every morning I turn off the alarm clock, bat my eyelashes 20 times, and then I slowly walk around the bed and jump back in.”
Joke #12504
I waited in line at the filling station so long yesterday morning that by the time I got to the pumps, I had five o’clock shadow.
Joke #12040
When the man of the house returned from work, his son said, “Dad there was a man here to see you this morning.”
The father asked, “Did the man have a bill?”
The kid answered, “No, he had a nose like yours.”
Joke #11969
The other morning, the garbage truck went past my house and I started chasing it down the street. “is it too late for garbage?” I shouted.
“No,” called the garbage man, “jump in!”
Joke #11924
I had F.B.I. Crispies for breakfast this morning. When I poured milk on the cereal, it didn’t talk; it interrogated me.
Joke #11922
My day started off bad. This morning I slept right through the alarm. To make matters worse it was my smoke alarm. You can’t imagine how depressing it is to open your eyes the first thing in the morning and find yourself ten stories up on a ladder over a fireman’s shoulder.
Joke #11477
Pam: Why were you so late for school this morning?
Tim: I dreamed I was playing football, and the game went into overtime!