PVT.: “I’m a buck private.”
GAL: “Golly! Is that all they pay you?”
Tag Archives: money
Joke #12045
A father was reading the newspaper one night and he commented, “It says here an old woman died and police found 50,000 dollars hidden in her bustle.”
His teenage son replied, “Wow! That’s a lot of money to leave behind.”
Joke #12042
MRS. ALLEN: “I saw your husband and he didn’t look happy.”
MRS. WILLS: “Yes, he’s very sad. He lost 10,000 dollars. The price of pigs went up and he didn’t have a one.”
Joke #12028
Last week my son in college had a very painful amputation. I cut off his allowance.
specialist
specialist – n. a doctor who has fewer patients than a general practitioner and more money
Joke #11979
GROCER: “May I help you, Miss?”
MISS: “Yes. How much are those tomatoes?”
GROCER: “80 cents a pound.”
MISS: “Do you raise them yourself?”
GROCER: “Yep. yesterday they were 70 cents a pound.”
Joke #11963
I found out one thing about health spas by being a fitness instructor. They pay low-calorie salaries.
Joke #11956
Inflation has turned me into an early riser. To make extra cash, I got a paper route.
Joke #11949
MAN (to bank teller): “I’d like to borrow some money.”
TELLER: “I’m sorry, but the loan arranger is out.”
MAN: “That’s okay. Let me talk to Tonto.”
Confidence Is…
What is confidence, you want to know? Well…confidence is:
– Going to the race track for the first time in your life and betting every penny you have on a 50 to 1 shot.
– Walking through Central Park at night and carrying your life savings in your wallet.
– Spending all your savings on a huge luxury car because you’re the gas shortage won’t last.
– Telling a mugger armed with a gun that you won’t give him your money and he can’t make you.
– Mailing the only copy of a book it took you five years to write to a publisher without putting a return address on the envelope.
– Having an argument with the Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World and daring him to lay a hand on you.
Joke #11943
Did you hear about the simpleton who put iodine in his wallet because he had a cut in take-home pay?
Joke #11928
Here’s a word to the wise, for counterfeiters: Never hold onto the first dollar you ever made. It can be used as evidence against you.
Joke #11906
Q: How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls?
A: Collect!
Joke #11888
Q: What did the payphone say when the quarter got stuck inside it?
A: Money’s tight these days!
Joke #11717
Q: Why did the Martian feed the cow money?
A: He thought it would make the milk rich.
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Another version of this joke:
Q: Why did the farmer feed his cow money?
A: He wanted rich milk.