JUDGE: “Tell me, Miss, do you promise to take the groom for better or worse?”
BRIDE: “Judge, I promise to take him for everything.”
Tag Archives: money
Joke #12707
LADY: “Tell me, if I took out a million dollars worth of life insurance on my husband he died the next day, what would I get?”
ATTORNEY: “Life!”
Joke #12703
I saved my money in my mattress for a rainy day, and a flood washed away my bed.
Joke #12701
With the cost of jogging sneakers as high as it is now, I know what people mean when they talk about running in debt.
You Know You’re Getting Fat When…
Being a little overweight is okay. But you know you’re really getting fat when…
– your son plays cowboys and asks if he can use your belt as a lasso.
– your refrigerator handle wears out from overuse
– the shocks in your car wear out twice as fast as other people’s shocks.
– you sit on a metal bar stool and it becomes a metal foot stool when you get up.
– you stand in a room all alone and feel crowded.
– you have to walk through doors sideways.
– you stand on a curb and your stomach blocks traffic.
– you have to use a mirror in order to see your shoes.
– you drop money and don’t bother to bend over and pick it up unless it’s more than a quarter.
– you go for a stroll and the sidewalk creaks.
Joke #12689
I’m so poor, I’m the only guy in town with a wash-and-wear tuxedo.
Joke #12679
If things keep going the way they are, with my present income and my frugal spending practice, I figure by 1990, I’ll have $200,000 in debts.
Joke #12676
There’s only one way to describe the amount of money I make in a year. It’s a gross annual outgo.
Joke #12669
“I went to the track yesterday, and only one thing kept me from making a fast buck.”
“What was that?”
“A slow horse!”
Joke #12647
Two baseball pitcher were out in the bullpen one sunny day. The first pitcher asked, “Is our manager cheap?”
The other hurler replied, “Cheap? He tosses dimes around like they were manhole covers.”
Joke #12628
OVERHEARD: “A college professor was telling a friend, ‘My wife is very optimistic about my future. She has already spent my next year’s salary.”
Joke #12616
I wonder if you could call what a pro bowler makes, pin money?
Joke #12598
MAN: “My son is sure learning a lot at business school.”
FRIEND: “Like what?”
MAN: “Well, he never writes home asking for money anymore. He just bills us for a loan.”
Joke #12592
There’s a college campus in Texas so huge that the air fare from the dormitory to the lecture hall is a hundred dollars.
Joke #12583
Did you hear about the college student who got rally worried that something had happened to his parents? He hadn’t gotten a check from them in weeks.