“I end up kissing my brother…”
– from the TV
Tag Archives: kiss
Quote #14988
“You saved my muffins!”
::kiss::
– Dexter’s Laboratory
Quote #14808
“Super-soft and creamy-smooth to keep your lips totally kissable!”
– from the Internet
Quote #14342
“kiss-up points”
– Mr. Shaft-Man
Joke #13097
Did you hear about the ugly gal who studied judo in case a man should kiss her and try to run away?
Joke #13037
My uncle, the Godfather, treats me like a dog. When other people go to see him, he gives them his hand to kiss. When I go to see him, he gives me his boot to lick.
Joke #12968
It seems like every celebrity is writing an expose these days. In the old days people used to kiss and tell. Now they kiss and sell… the book rights.
Joke #12858
The other day I met a politician who must have been campaigning too hard. I saw him shake a baby and kiss a man’s hand.
Joke #12852
A handsome bachelor was sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out when along came his girlfriend. “I’ll kiss those tears away,” she said, trying to console him. For several minutes she smothered him with kisses, but he still continued to cry. “Won’t anything stop those tears?” she asked him.
Looking up and rubbing his eyes, he said, “No. It’s hay fever. But please continue the treatment.”
Joke #12618
A college athlete told a friend: “Martha is a great tennis player with a powerful backhand. Last night at the drive-in movie, I tried to kiss her, and she slapped me four times.”
You Know You’re Living In the Past If…
You know you’re living in the past if:
…You think children are to be seen and not heard.
…Detroit stopped making parts for your car ten years ago.
…The last time you went to the movies, they were still censoring people who kissed each other on the mouth.
…You think the most suggestive dance you ever saw is the Twist.
…You think the family car belongs to the parents.
…You think a picket line is a fence.
Your Blind Date is a Dud If…
If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds. Your blind date is a dud if:
– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.
– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.
– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.
– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.
–
If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers. Girls, your blind date is a loser if:
– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.
– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.
– He shows up driving a hearse.
– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.
– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.
– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.
Joke #12331
Did you hear about the dumb pickpocket who was so clumsy he couldn’t even steal a kiss from his girlfriend?
Joke #12062
Did you hear about the girl who kissed so many sailors that her lips move in and out with the tide?
Joke #12037
FATHER: “Son, when I was your age, I had never kissed a girl. Now, will you be able to tell your son the same thing?”
SON: “Yes, Dad, but not with a straight face.”