The dream starts with me launching two ICBMs while on the freeway. Unsure where they went, but they didn’t explode. I got arrested but was taken to a school convention instead of a jail. I left overnight, then woke up and was arrested again outside the market place I was dropped off at. I then called elmoisfurry to warn him about the whole situation since he was supposedly there too.
Then I woke up.
Q: How are hamburgers sent to jail?
A: In a patty wagon.
A man was convicted of robbery and sentenced to ten years in jail.
His attorney visited him soon afterwards in his cell and told him, “now listen, don’t worry about a thing. I’m going to get you a new trial. I’ve got new evidence. We’ll get a change of venue. I’m getting you a complete new deal and you’ll be free. Just don’t worry about a thing. In the meantime, if you get a chance, try to escape.”
PRISONER 2369076: “You mean to say you’re in jail because you’re very sentimental?”
PRISONER 7230964: “Yep! I put my wife’s picture on the 10-dollar bills I was making.”
VAGRANT: “If I knew how to make money, I wouldn’t be in jail.”
COUNTERFEITER: “I know how to make money. That’s why I’m in here.”
WRITER: “It’s an unfair world.”
BANKER: “What do you mean?”
WRITER: “Well, I can write a bad story and nobody will give a hoot. But if I write a bad check, I end up in jail.”
CONFUCIUS SAY: Bird in cage like convict in prison. Leave door open and both will fly coop.
CONFUCIUS SAY: When talking about crime, the pen is not mightier than the sword. Convicts can escape from the pen, but not from the cemetery.
jail – n. a place where they will never raise the rent
I was stupid in 6th grade and thought it would be funny that I should make this like a Scooby Doo mystery. Remember, I made this in 1997, when I was in 6th grade…
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(version 9.9999.1 ½)
On September 4, 1994 King Arthur’s coat of arms was stolen. Detective Sam Smith was at his desk filing a report on some “punk” he caught on Main St. when the Sheriff came up to him and said “Smith, King Arthur’s Coat of guns were stolen!” Det. Smith said, “I believe that is coat of armor sir.” “No” said the Sheriff “it says coat of arms so I’m thinking that someone stole the guns to take over the world!” Det. Smith said, “OK I’ll take the task, but, before I leave, it’s armor that was stolen.” “Guns” said the Sheriff, but Det. Smith was in his Viper before he said it.
When he got to the scene of the crime no one was there. In a distant tunnel there was a bunch of photographers on top of a crashed car taking pictures of the car. Det. Smith thought nothing of it. He went inside the castle and there was King Arthur’s coat of arms! Then out of nowhere, a monster came out of the darkness! Det. Smith started running. As Det. Smith ran down the endless corridor he saw a lot of chandeliers. He thought maybe he could trap the guy by cutting a rope and trapping the monster inside like the cartoons!
When he had a chance he cut the rope on a chandelier he captured the monster, then he said, “It’s time to unmask you. He took off a mask and he said, “Don Knotts?”
He thought and said, “Hey wait a minute.” He tool off tons of masks. It sorta went in this order: Don Knotts, Scooby Doo, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Michael Jackson, Bugs Bunny, Bigfoot, and millions of others. Then the crook said, “Enough with the masks!!!” Then the crook took off the remaining masks. Det. Smith said, “Sheriff? Why did you do it Sheriff?” The “Sheriff” said, “Why do you think …. Because I’m evil ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” “Sorry whoever you are but you’re going to jail!
THE END
sudzin – n. a field trip to the city jail
foonithi – v. to get married in a jail
aertwentle – n. a bum who always trys to get thrown in jail, but never can succeed