HUSBAND #1: “How long did it take you to teach your wife how to drive?”
HUSBAND #2: “Oh, about three and a half cars.”
Tag Archives: husband
Joke #13196
PSYCHIATRIST: “How long has your husband thought that he is Napoleon, Mrs. Stanners?”
MRS. STANNERS: “Since Waterloo.”
Joke #13192
WIFE TO BANK CLERK: “I want to make a withdrawal from my husband’s half of our joint account.”
Joke #13190
My husband is so bald that when you look at him from a distance, it looks like his neck is blowing bubblegum.
Joke #13185
My aunt is a bill collector. She’s had five husbands and they were all named William.
Joke #13179
Pity the poor husband who leads such a dull life that he looks forward to dental appointments.
Joke #13178
HUSBAND: “My wife is into jogging. Every morning she runs down to the bank to make a withdrawal.”
Joke #13176
The cost of living is so high that now the only thing that the average husband can put aside for a rainy day is an umbrella.
Joke #13166
My husband isn’t too bright. He thinks that in order to make wine, you have to milk the grapes.
Joke #13164
My husband is so modest, he swears his birthday suit came with two pairs of trousers and a vest.
Joke #13156
WIFE: “I hear your Uncle Harry is now doing settlement work.”
HUSBAND: “Yep! His creditors finally caught up with him.”
Joke #13152
MRS. BROWN: “Today I broke a very expensive dish.”
MRS. GREEN: “What did your husband say?”
MRS. BROWN: “Ouch! What hit me?”
Joke #13150
MALE GUEST: “Where is your wife?”
HUSBAND: “She’s in the kitchen fixing dinner. But in my opinion, it’s beyond repair.”
Joke #13145
I know our marriage is no longer meaningful to my husband. The other day he made a paper airplane out of our marriage certificate and sailed it out the window.
Joke #13130
The other day a wife said to her husband, “We’ve been married ten years and it’s been five years since you put your arms around me and gave me a hug.”
Looking her right in the eye, the man replied, “Don’t blame me. Blame your eating habits! It’s been five years since I could get my arms around you!”