“If I bet 3 heads are gonna come up, what should I win?”
– Dr. OldNBald
“If I bet 3 heads are gonna come up, what should I win?”
– Dr. OldNBald
“two tails and a head, three tails”
– Dr. OldNBald
“its got a tail and a head. Its called a fair coin”
– Dr. OldNBald
“ok, Robert. I’m back to beating your head again”
– Dr. OldNBald
“now, how’d she do that? did everyone do it in their heads?”
– Dr. OldNBald
MAN: “Doctor, I feel terrible. My stomach is upside down. What should I do?”
M.D.: “Try standing on your head.”
“The pain is all in your mind,” the doctor told his patient.
“I didn’t have to come here to find that out,” the patient grumbled angrily. “I already knew I had a headache.”
You can’t win. If prosperity doesn’t go to your head, it goes to your stomach.
People who fall in love with the taste of success usually end up with very fat heads.
I know a man who is so dumb, the only thing that can stay in his head for more than a day is a cold.
ACTOR: “I hope the cameraman catches my best side!”
ACTRESS: “What’s that? The back of your head?”
BOSS: “Smith has a fractured skull. How did the accident happen?”
JONES: “Well, Smith said to me, ‘I’ll hold this spike and when I nod my head, hit it with the sledgehammer.”
Q: Why are writers the strangest creatures in the world?
A: Because their tales come out of their heads.
Nobody likes me. For my high school yearbook photo, they made me wear a bag over my head.
If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds. Your blind date is a dud if:
– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.
– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.
– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.
– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.
–
If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers. Girls, your blind date is a loser if:
– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.
– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.
– He shows up driving a hearse.
– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.
– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.
– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.