“Brian, stop talking, Mitchell, looks like you’ve found a new friend. You should decide who it is, Chris or Brian”
– Mr. P-yooson
Tag Archives: friend
Quote #13958
“Best Friends Forever”
– sisterpoobond
Quote #13645
“…so that you won’t bother my little friends”
– Dr. OldNBald
Quote #13403
“unbelievable! Simply unbelievable! I try to be friendly, and what do I get? An endless stream of verbal abuse!”
– From a video game
Joke #13209
PATIENT: “Doctor, when I came to you six months ago, you told me that to cure my rheumatism I should avoid dampness. I’ve followed your advice, but I’ve lost all my friends.”
DOCTOR: “When I told you to avoid dampness, I didn’t mean you couldn’t take a bath.”
Joke #12877
Two old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years met one day.
The first man asked, “How’s everything, Jimmy?”
His friend answered. “Not so hot. My wife ran off with a vacuum salesman. My son was arrested for stealing cars, and my daughter is in the hospital with two broken legs. Besides that, I’m turning gray, my teeth have to be yanked out tomorrow, and my dog died yesterday.”
His friend shook his head and said, “Golly! That’s very sad. By the way, what business are you in, Jimmy?”
“I sell good luck charms!”
Joke #12788
I have a friend who’s so rich, it’s disgusting! When his car runs out of gas, he throws it away and buys a new one.
Joke #12406
My husband cultivates friends like he does his garden… with continual digs.
Joke #12265
Q: What don’t you want to do when your friend is being attacked by vampires?
A: Stick your neck out for him.
Joke #12065
SERGEANT: “Remember, soldier, your rifle is your best friend.”
SOLDIER: “That’s right, Sarge. So don’t ask me to fire a pal.”
Joke #12043
One teenage gal said to her friend who was about to make a telephone call, “If a girl answers, don’t hang up. His voice is changing.”
Joke #11945
Two kids were walking to school one day. The first boy said, “I don’t think my parents like me.”
“Why do you say that?” asked his friend.
“Well, when y mother makes me sandwiches, she wraps them in a road map.”
Joke #11735
Q: What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance?
A: When they’re not home!
Joke #11223
Q: Why did the sunburned kid suddenly have so many friends?
A: He was so a-peeling.
I Asked God
I asked for a flower,
He gave me a garden.
I asked for a tree,
He gave me a forest.
I asked for a river,
He gave me an ocean.
I asked for a friend,
He gave me “YOU.”