Q: What’s green, has bumps, and plays football?
A: The Green Bay Pickles.
Q: What’s green, has bumps, and plays football?
A: The Green Bay Pickles.
Q: Why did the football player do a commercial for hair shampoo?
A: He was troubled by split ends.
Boy: Doc, do you think I can play football after this cast is off my leg?
Doctor: Certainly.
Boy: Thanks. I couldn’t play before.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for the kickoff.
Q: What do you call the football player who guesses the other team’s plays?
A: The hunchback.
Q: What should a fullback do when he gets a handoff?
A: Go to a secondhand store.
Q: How is an airline pilot like a football player?
A: They both like to make safe touchdowns.
Q: What is a pigskin for?
A: To hold a pig together.
Q: Why did the football player complain to the waiter?
A: There was a fly in his soup-er bowl.
Football Player: Coach, my doctor says I can’t play football.
Coach: You didn’t have to go to a doctor. I could have told you that.
Pam: Why were you so late for school this morning?
Tim: I dreamed I was playing football, and the game went into overtime!
George: Look! I just found a lost football.
Louis: How do you know it’s lost?
George: Because the kids down the street are still looking for it!
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester’s credit for it!
A man won a ticket to the Super Bowl, but when he got there, he was very disappointed. He was on the far left, at the back. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than he was to the field, but halfway through the first quarter he spotted the best seat in the house.
He went over to the empty seat and said to the guy sitting beside it, “Is anyone sitting here?” “No.”, the guy replied.
So the man sat down, and about 30 minutes later, he couldn’t resist saying, “Man! This is an awesome seat! Whoever gave it up must be CRAZY!”
The guy sitting next to him replied, “Well, actually, that was supposed to be my wife’s seat, but she died.”
The man, feeling like shit, said, “Oh, that’s awful, but couldn’t you have asked a relative to come with you?”
“No”, said the guy.
The man was confused, and asked, “Why not?”
The guy replied, “Because they’re all at the funeral.”
The other year in Aussie Rugby it was Sydney Tigers vs the Cowboys. John Hopoate in the Sydney Tigers tackles one of the footballers in the Cowboys and sticks his fingers right up his date! 😀 And it was caught LIVE on TV :cheesy: 😀 :cheesy:!!! And also made the papers too, front cover big picture of Hopoate with his fingers right up that poor bloke’s date! Hopoate has been known for datefingering other footballers before, and as a result of this incident got 12 months suspension hehehe :grin:!!! Hopoate is now known as either ‘brown fingers’ or ‘date fingers’!
Anyhow here’s a bunch of Hopoate jokes that are from a google group, these ain’t mine:
Shame about being sacked, Hopoate could have rectum.
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As much as things change they stay the same: Hopoate was in the shit, then he was caught, and now he’s still in the shit.
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If the police get involved, Hopoate could end up in the pokey.
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Now that he’s out of the game, Hopoate is desperate and dateless.
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Now that he has been sacked, it is rumoured that Hopoate is about to follow Mundine ringside.
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John Hopoate has been nominated for an Oscar for his lead role in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger”.
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Anagram of Hopoate: Poo Hate!
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Rugby league may be a Stone Age game, but it was first to enter the digital age.
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John Hopoate has changed his name. He is now known as John Hand-to-party.
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Hopoate has changed his name to Stop-a-farte.
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Q: Which finger did he use?
A: His ring finger.
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Q: How do the judiciary decide on this punishment?
A: Is there a ‘rule of thumb’?
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What’s the problem? He was only keeping up to date with his opponents.
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Did you hear, with Hopoate the Tigers have gone digital?
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The coach claimed the charge was a bum rap! Hopoate’s actions were merely a niggle!
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Headline: Police Wash Hands of Hopoate Antics!
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Let’s hope he doesn’t bite his fingernails.
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A view from a fan: this leaves a foul taste in my mouth.
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Hopoate’s defense: it was only a brown eye gouge.
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Hopoate’s defense: they were giving me cheek.
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Hopoate’s defense: Honest, he was just lying prostate on the ground.
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Hopoate’s defense: I saw an opening and went for it.
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Hopoate’s defense: The coach told me to penetrate their defenses.
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Hopoate’s defense: Its just the old one hand tackle.
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He must be getting married. I heard Hopoate was checking out some rings on Saturday night.
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Hopoate: the human thermometer.
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Q: What’s John Hopoate’s favourite biscuits?
A: Chocolate fingers.
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Q: What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a north Queensland cowboy?
A: You can stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
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Q: What’s Hoppa’s favourite cake?
A: A Finger Bun.
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“I think the criticism levelled at Hoppa is totally unfounded, he is being fingered for a crime he did not commit”. Coach Lamb.
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I heard that Hoppa has a segment on the footy show called Hoppa’s Up-date
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What’s the bet Terry Lamb will tell him to pull his finger out
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John Hopoate: Public Enema Number 1
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Headline: Hoppa “piles” on the tries.
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“Players don’t report cases like Hopoate’s because they’d be the butt of all jokes” – Roy Masters (former West’s Coach)
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Is the whole thing a three-ring circus?
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A chance for Channel 9’s The Footy Show to make something of its “player probe”?
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Hopoate to have a cameo role in the digitally enhanced versions of The Lord Of The Rings and Finger of Guilt.
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How come Field and McGuinness got six months for cocaine but Hopoate only got 12 weeks for crack?
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Do The Hopoate
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You put your left thumb in
You pull your left thumb out
You put your left thumb in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hopoate and you turn the game around
And that’s what it’s all about.
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The John Hopoate Virus: your computer will insert random digits – often where they are quite unwanted
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Perhaps something good will come out of Hopoate’s poking about.
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Did you hear the league is going to crack down on Hopoate.
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Q: What did the other player sing when John Hopoate stuck his finger up his bum?
A: “Baby you are the one you really turn me on you can stick your finger up my hole again”
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Q: What is John Hopoate’s biscuit?
A: Shrewsbury, because of the hole in the middle.
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Q: What does Hopoate like doing at a game?
A: Picking player of the match.
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Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony.
Stuck a finger up his arse
and said “I am John Hopoate”
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John Hopoate is the butt of everybody’s jokes.
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After John Hopoate was suspended Manly offered him a job at the clubhouse. He was to go around the bar pushing in stools.