Tag Archives: door

You Know You’re Getting Fat When…

Being a little overweight is okay.  But you know you’re really getting fat when…

– your son plays cowboys and asks if he can use your belt as a lasso.

– your refrigerator handle wears out from overuse

– the shocks in your car wear out twice as fast as other people’s shocks.

– you sit on a metal bar stool and it becomes a metal foot stool when you get up.

– you stand in a room all alone and feel crowded.

– you have to walk through doors sideways.

– you stand on a curb and your stomach blocks traffic.

– you have to use a mirror in order to see your shoes.

– you drop money and don’t bother to bend over and pick it up unless it’s more than a quarter.

– you go for a stroll and the sidewalk creaks.

Your Blind Date is a Dud If…

If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds.  Your blind date is a dud if:

– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.

– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.

– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.

– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.

If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers.  Girls, your blind date is a loser if:

– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.

– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.

– He shows up driving a hearse.

– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.

– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.

– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.

Joke #10753: Who’s That Knocking At My Door?

A knock came at our door. “Who is it?” I asked.

A gruff voice replied, “It’s Jack the Ripper.”

I turned to my wife and said, “It’s for you, dear.”

About an hour later there was another knock at my door. “Who’s there?”  I shouted.

The caller replied, “Jack the Ripper.”

Smiling, I called, “Sorry, I already gave.”