I know a doctor who is so rich that he doesn’t wash his hands before an operation; he dry cleans them.
Tag Archives: doctor
Joke #11997
FATHER: “So you want to become a doctor when you grow up? What are you doing now to prepare yourself for that line of work?”
SON: “Well, Dad, I’m learning to write real bad and play golf.”
Joke #11996
OVERHEARD IN A DRUG STORE: “I went to see my doctor yesterday, but I think he’s a quack. I told him my temperature was 100 and he told me to sell when it gets to 103!”
Joke #11995
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’d like to visit you tomorrow.”
DOCTOR: “I’m busy tomorrow. Make a date with my nurse.”
PATIENT: “Gee, do you think she’ll go out with me?”
Joke #11994
A man with two badly burned ears went to see his doctor.
“What happened?” asked the doctor.
“Well,” began the man, “my wife was ironing while I was watching a ball game on TV. She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answer the iron.”
The doctor nodded. “But what happened to the other ear?”
“No sooner did I hang up,” said the man, “than the same guy called up again!”
Joke #11993
DOCTOR: “Why did you jump in that icy river to retrieve your hat? You could have been killed.”
PATIENT: “I know, but I had to get my hat. If I go without one in the winter, I catch cold.”
Joke #11988
DOCTOR: “Okay now, Mr. Hopper, stick out your tongue…farther…farther…farther.”
MR. HOPPER: “I can’t stick out any farther. It’s connected back there!”
Joke #11986
A man walked into a doctor’s office with his suit ripped and his arms and face bleeding.
The nurse took one look at him and asked, “Have an accident?”
The man replied, “No thanks, I already had one.”
Joke #11552
Boy: Doc, do you think I can play football after this cast is off my leg?
Doctor: Certainly.
Boy: Thanks. I couldn’t play before.
Joke #11500
Football Player: Coach, my doctor says I can’t play football.
Coach: You didn’t have to go to a doctor. I could have told you that.
Joke #11341
A fairly young, fairly attractive couple go to see a doctor and say they’re having trouble making love. “Could you watch us and correct any mistakes we might be making?” asks the guy.
The doc thinks it a bit unusual but says “OK.”
He watches for a while, offers a couple of suggestions and when they finish says “Well, things look pretty good to me, you don’t seem to have any problems.” To which the couple respond with “things don’t feel exactly right, do you mind if we come back next week for a little more guidance?.”
The doctor agrees and the couple return the following week. Once again they repeat the performance, get a tiny bit of help and leave quite satisfied. On the third visit the following week the doctor says “Look, I really don’t see any problem here, in fact I wish my love-making was as good. Why do you keep coming back?”
The young man says “Well, to tell you the truth, I’m a guitarist in a rock band, live in a smelly old squat and don’t make much money. She’s married to this other guy who works from home so we can’t go there. I can’t afford to take her to a motel. This place is warm and friendly, we get free coffee and magazines while we wait and I get all the costs back from Medicare.”
Joke #11309
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: Better get ready — the doctor is taking us out tonight.
Joke #11187
Q: Why did the young man go to a restaurant looking for a skin doctor?
A: Because kids told him he had a pizza face.
Joke #10977
Q: Why should teenagers consult a doctor before touching their pimples?
A: Improper treatment can lead to infections; besides nobody likes it when you pop them on the bathroom mirror.
Joke #10972
Q: Why do doctors study bad skin disorders before prescribing medicine?
A: They don’t want to be rash.