WIFE: “Oh, dear, I’m sorry but the dog ate the chicken I made for your dinner.”
HUSBAND: “Don’t cry, dear. I’ll take you down to the pet store and buy you a new dog tomorrow.”
Tag Archives: dinner
The Mammoths In the Ocean
Once upon a time, there lived a magnificent civilization under the sea. While you might be thinking it is a society of merpeople or single fish, you are wrong. This society was created by mammoths. Mammoths wearing scuba gear.
Everyday they would refill their oxygen tanks at the Oxygen Station. They would comb their hair and eat pop-tarts for lunch, dinner, and sometimes breakfast. They would eat water for breakfast.
So, anyway, humans evolved and started shitting on the ocean and dumping their Twinkie wrappers in the middle of the Pacific like assholes.
This soon created a Trash Island that became as big as the Pacific itself. Eventually, the Insectoid Empire declared the Trash Island as their sovereignty and announced war against the humans. After a long, arduous game of Monopoly, the humans lost and agreed to fly to the moon and remake their society there since no one gives a shit about that place.
The Insectoid Empire enjoyed a long and prosperous reign on land but they wanted more. The Ocean Mammoth embassy on the Trash Island gave the Insectoid Empire an idea. Why not take over the Ocean Mammoth civilization?
A surgical strike at the mammoth’s Oxygen Stations sealed the deal and soon enough the streets of the Ocean Mammoth civilization were filled with drowned mammoths. Eventually large schools of barracudas and piranhas came and ate all of them and destroyed all of their inventions, losing all of their technology forever.
The Insectoid Empire relished this victory and soon became an imperialistic power taking over one planet after the next. They were parasites after all.
Moral of the story: Foreign dependence is bad.
Joke #12031
A young couple were complaining about their child. It seems that he was very quiet. In fact, he never spoke at all. They didn’t mind this when he was a baby, but when he grew to be eight years old, he still hadn’t uttered a sound. Then all of a sudden at the dinner table one evening, he said, “Pass the salt.”
Shocked beyond belief, the father said, “How come in eight years you never spoke?”
The kid replied, “Well, up to now everything was all right.”
Joke #11942
JIMMY: “My sister ate some chicken last night.”
TIMMY: “Croquette?”
JIMMY: “No, not yet.”
Joke #11926
WOMAN: “Joe is a considerate husband. he takes his wife out to eat almost every night.”
MAN: “Considerate? Baloney! Joe’s wife is the world’s worst cook.”
Joke #11895
Q: What do you get if you cross a telephone with an Italian dinner?
A: Spaghetti and meat bells!
Joke #11770
Bob: Hello? I’m not interrupting your dinner, am I?
Rob: Actually, you are.
Bob: Good. Wait for me, and I’ll be right over.
Joke #11629
Q: What are two things a spaceman can never eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
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Another version of this joke:
Q: What are the two things you can never eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
Brothers and Sisters Are…
The ones you’re always tripping over when you’re trying to do your homework, and the ones who can’t be found anywhere when you feel like a game of catch!
The ones who think it’s hilarious to pick up the phone extension and hiccup while you’re talking to a friend!
The ones who borrow your best white sweater, and when they return it, it’s your best black sweater!
The ones who can’t explain how peanut butter got in your hairbrush!
The ones who can’t explain how your hairbrush got into their room.
The ones who keep their rooms clean and as neat as a pin because they spend all their time in yours!
The ones who think it’s fun to tease you all day long about your new haircut. Then when you tease them back, they cry!
The ones you have to find a bathroom for when there isn’t a bathroom within twenty miles!
The ones who somehow can’t find anything else to do but sit next to you when your friends come over!
The ones who have no idea how all those grasshoppers got under your pillow!
The ones who, whenever your friends come over, think it’s a riot to call you by your totally embarrassing middle name.
The ones who eat the last slice of chocolate cake when you’ve had your eye on it for hours!
The ones who save their allowance until it adds up to a fortune, while you’ve spent every penny you ever had!
The ones who magically become invisible when someone has to walk the dog on a rainy day.
The ones who don’t get caught making silly faces at the dinner table.
The ones who always know how to make you laugh when you’re drinking so that you get a quart of milk up your nose!
The ones who want to watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island when you want to watch the baseball play-offs.
Joke #11418
Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?
Joke #11409
A brother and sister had a fight and were sent to bed without any dinner.
After lying in bed for about ten minutes, the brother decided to make up.
So he tiptoed down the hall to his sister’s room, and whispered, “Are you awake?”
“I’m not telling you!” she whispered back.
Joke #11407
Mother: Why aren’t you eating your dinner?
Jim: I’m waiting for the mustard to cool off!
Joke #11191
Q: Why is it dangerous to sneeze on the plate of the guy next to you?
A: He’s still looking for somewhere to hide his chewing gum.
Joke #11190
Q: Why is it impolite to sneeze on one’s dinner plate?
A: If the chef had wanted snot sprinkled all over his dish, he would have put it there.
Joke #11164
Q: Why aren’t Wednesday and Pugsley allowed to bring their pets to the dinner table?
A: Pets are served only for lunch.