Tag Archives: car

(C) Religious Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18546

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He was a young Pastor, and as usual, he was running late getting into town…. and he was speeding.

Then to top it off, he looked in the review mirror only to see the lights of the Highway Patrol! Already late for church and figuring he’d try for leniency, he quickly slapped his Bible on the dash of his car as the trooper walked up to the window and asked to see his drivers license.

Looking at his name and title on the license, the trooper asked, “You’re a Reverend huh?” The young Pastor affirmed that.

The trooper then began writing out a speeding ticket and said, “Well, Reverend; your speedometer runneth over.”

As the trooper handed him the ticket and started to walk away, his last comment was, “Oh, by the way…. the Bible on the dash…. nice touch.”

Jokes

Joke #18511

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A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his carpool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them.

Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: “I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave.”

At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: “Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot.”

Jokes

Joke #18501

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I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a driver’s manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver’s permit.

“Oh,” she said, “I already know everything in the book.”

“You do?” I returned.

“Yep”, she said, very smugly.

I thought, “OK, we’ll just see about that. I’ll give her a hard one.”

So I asked her, “How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?”

“One,” she replied.

“What?” I asked. “One?!”

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added. . .

“Only one, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one.”

(C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18423

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After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the “Are you going to park there?” look.

His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn’t want the space.

“You must be single,” he replied. “If you were married, you would’ve known that was the universal sign for ‘Go ahead and take the spot.  I’m waiting for my wife.'”

(C) Misandry Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18407

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In my job as an electronics salesman, I’ve seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and minivans, which has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy.

One day as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD’s, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, “Does it get cable?”