What rotten luck I have! Would you believe it? My birthday is April 1st.
Tag Archives: birthday
Joke #13023
I’m not appreciated. My birthday is listed in the Farmer’s Almanac under the ten worst disasters in history.
Joke #12959
LADY: “I need a birthday present for my husband.”
SALESMAN: “How about a hunting jacket or a smoking jacket?”
LADY: “No, my husband doesn’t hunt or smoke.”
SALESMAN: “Well, how about this? Don’t tell me you can turn down a bathrobe.”
Joke #12400
Two teenaged girls were talking. The first girl said, “Is it true that Gerald is real slow?”
The second teenager noted, “You bet he’s slow. In fact he was born ten days after his birthday.”
Joke #11907
Q: What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration?
A: A party line!
It’s Great to Have Brothers and Sisters Because…
There’s always someone around to blame for starting all the fights!
You’re not the only one who won’t eat the cauliflower!
When you catch a cold or the flu, there’s someone to share it with!
There are more birthdays to celebrate, and more presents that your brothers and sisters will be delighted to share with you!
There’s always someone around who can keep a secret from your mother – at least until she gets home from the store!
Your room is not the only one in the house that looks as if it was in the path of a hurricane!
There’s always someone dying to tell you the end of the movie you’re about to see so you don’t have to waste your time being surprised!
There’s always someone around to help you develop a sense of humor about yourself by teasing you all the time.
There’s always someone else in the house who votes for watching The Monkees instead of the six-o’clock news, so your dad is outvoted again!
There’s someone else who will break your best toys so you don’t have to feel bad that you did it yourself!
There are always interesting phone conversations to pretend you’re not listening to!
There’s someone to gobble up all the cookies and candy in the house before you can get to them or you don’t have to worry about your teeth rotting!
When Mom and Dad are yelling, it isn’t always about YOU!
You’re not the only one who won’t eat liver!
There’s always someone around to fight with so you don’t have to fight with your friends!
Joke #11417
Brother: Do you know what I’m going to give Mom for her birthday? A beautiful cut-glass flower vase.
Sister: But she already has a beautiful cut-glass flower vase.
Brother: No, she doesn’t. I just dropped it!
Sister: Did you tell Mom you broke the vase?
Brother: Yes. I said, “Mom, do you remember that vase you always worried that I would break?” And she said, “Yes, what about it?” And I said, “Your worries are over!”
Joke #11174
Q: Why did the peasants use Marie Antoinette’s head as a centerpiece at the birthday party?
A: They wanted her to eat cake, too.
sometiho
sometiho – adj. to hate birthdays/birthday parties
tije
tije – n. a free corn dog on your birthday
Top Signs You Hired The Wrong Clown For Your Birthday Party
1. Clown car must be started with breathalizer device.
2. Keeps screaming, “My name’s not BO-zo, it’s bo-ZO!”
3. Props for his “disappearing” trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.
4. Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the “Severed Limb” trick.
5. Didn’t bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.
6. Prefaces each trick with, “here’s a little number I learned in the joint.”
7. Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.
8. Wears a T-Shirt that says, “Drug-free since March!”
9. Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a “snake on acid.”
10. Business cards include the phrase “From the Mind of Stephen King…”
11. All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.
Joke #9182
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says let’s put, “You are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman asks “How do you want me to put it?”
The man says, “Well put ‘You are not getting older,’ at the top and ‘You are getting better’ at the bottom. ”
The real fun didn’t start until the cake box was opened and the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake “You are not getting older at the top. You are getting better at the bottom!”
Dacky’s Birthday
Panda’s Birthday
Happy Bday Tom
