Top Signs You Hired The Wrong Clown For Your Birthday Party

1. Clown car must be started with breathalizer device.

2. Keeps screaming, “My name’s not BO-zo, it’s bo-ZO!”

3. Props for his “disappearing” trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.

4. Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the “Severed Limb” trick.

5. Didn’t bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.

6. Prefaces each trick with, “here’s a little number I learned in the joint.”

7. Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.

8. Wears a T-Shirt that says, “Drug-free since March!”

9. Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a “snake on acid.”

10. Business cards include the phrase “From the Mind of Stephen King…”

11. All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.

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