Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An airbag.
Joke #8902
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way.
The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn’t donate even a cent to a charity.
“First of all”, says the lawyer, “my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it’s not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister’s husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children…”
“I’m terribly sorry”, says the United Way man, “I feel bad about asking for money.”
The Lawyer responds, “Yeah, well if I’m not giving them any money, why should I give you any?”
Joke #8901
The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, “Hey, cut it out, alright.” The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.
After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says,” I said don’t do that again!” The rear tiger says “sorry” again and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, “What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop.” The rear tiger says, “I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I’m just trying to get the taste out of my mouth.”
Joke #8900
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a pair of sunglasses?
A: The sunglasses sit higher on your face.
Joke #8899
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: They know how many went down on the Titanic.
Joke #8898
Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
A: She opens the car door.
#8897: Luxxy23 -> John170
I found this.
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Luxxy23: hello
Luxxy23: i was just viewing your stupid ims page…incredibly witty i must say
Luxxy23: incredible
Luxxy23: even the phrase “stupid ims”…where did you ever come up with that one?
Luxxy23: youre like some sort of wordsmith
Luxxy23: anyway, i was disappointed that of all of my ‘stupid ims’ ive ever had, that one was chosen for a website
Auto response from John170: Sorry
Luxxy23:, I’m not interested in speaking right now. 🙂
Luxxy23: thats ok.. ill do the talking
Luxxy23: nice aviator glasses, by the way
Luxxy23: very fashionable
Luxxy23: you look like a homosexual from the 80’s
Luxxy23: anywho.. im not reporting you to aol, so dont get your panties in a bunch, nancy. goodbye
#8896: Luxxy23 -> John170
I found this.
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Luxxy23: i dunnae like your profile
John170: What is dunnae?
Luxxy23: do not
Luxxy23: lol its an irish accent
John170: You type out your accent???
Luxxy23: im not irish babe
Luxxy23: my hands are
John170: Gotcha.
Luxxy23: yeah im smoothe
#8895: HCP0676 -> John170
I found this.
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HCP0676: nice profile, i am a substance abuse counselor do u need help
John170: No, still clean and sober.
HCP0676: oh good
John170: Your services, though appreciated, are not required at this point. I thank you kindly 🙂
#8894: XoX Sharyn XoX -> John170
I found this.
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XoX Sharyn XoX: hello
XoX Sharyn XoX: will make it point,,.+
#8893: XoX Sharyn XoX -> John170
I found this.
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XoX Sharyn XoX: please fun is over…… im Ill and my humor is nomore
XoX Sharyn XoX: so stop with the druck shit!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i COULD
XoX Sharyn XoX: DRUCK
John170: I pity you, go away please 🙂
XoX Sharyn XoX: I PITY YOU!!!! YOU MORON
John170: hiccup
#8892: XoX Sharyn XoX -> John170
I found this.
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XoX Sharyn XoX: excuse me but ur amoron,,,,,,,, TALKIN shit is childish
John170: I pity you if you believe this is real 🙂
XoX Sharyn XoX: pity? well hope not…. otherwise your sence of humor needs works
John170: I’ll let you know when I reallycare what you have to say hon.
XoX Sharyn XoX: don’t know youEXCUSE trust me << got nada to say too you
John170: Take a reality pill and get offline
#8891: Sax5thAve101 -> John170
I found this.
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Sax5thAve101: your not a good person why are you here?
Sax5thAve101: perhaps find your subjects in another room
Sax5thAve101: <read your page
John170: So you’re a good person? 🙂
Sax5thAve101: my attraction towards your name was only to say what I did
Sax5thAve101: you may look eleswhere
John170: You’re a flippin’ idiot
John170: You OWN a room? Good golly. You need to take your meds hon.
Sax5thAve101: your rudeness will not bother me
John170: You’re the one who started with the rudeness, you’re funny 🙂
Sax5thAve101: have a nice evening.. I did not you happen to hurt someone
I know with your humor
John170: Oh get a life
Sax5thAve101: said try eleswhere
John170:HA
Sax5thAve101: your gone tyvm your cooperation is grateful
John170: Live and let live I always say. Tell your fat friend I’m sorry to
offend 🙂
Sax5thAve101: my dear shes right here tell here yourself
Sax5thAve101: perhaps not I apologize
John170: LOL, ok
Sax5thAve101: no need for you to cause her more harm
John170: Yes, tell her to stay inside for it’s a cruel world. Hand her a
tissue for me too, thanks!
Sax5thAve101: enjoy your life such as it is
John170: You bet, will do. You too!
Sax5thAve101: thank you
#8890: PhDGrrl -> John170
PhDGrrl: Your site, in terms of pure variety and inclusion of the ims from drunk “gangsta” chicks, is altogether an admirable place to be on a Saturday night. However, you made a spelling error of the type that is especially embarassing, especially when the predominance of the site is spent berating others for similar errors. I will let you know once I get over the shock… A bientot….
John170: huh?
#8889: Ly2000 -> John170
I found this.
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L*****y2000: hi there awfully quiet
John170: Yes, well, I’m meditating and practicing yoga. Hello, hi.
L*****y2000: hey youeven left the room sorry did i disturb you ?
John170: No, not at all, I’m fine. How are you?
L*****y2000: okay thank you, where are you located if i may ask ??? i am in southbridge i am 33 years old
John170: I am in Framingham here.
John170: Framingham by the Sea
L*****y2000: is your kitty mle or female
L*****y2000: it is a cutie lol
John170: Twit’s a boy kitty
L*****y2000: thats too cute
John170: He RULES. He says hello by the way.
L*****y2000: my kitty is black and her name nunnie
L*****y2000: she is the bitch of the house lol wacko cat lol
John170: Sweeet! How old is Nunnie?
L*****y2000: 8 months
John170: That’s a cute age, meow
L*****y2000: lol you are precious lol
John170: Oh sssssssssstop!
L*****y2000: i am serious a man that adores cats is my type of sweetheart
John170: I grew up always having a cat. I love those little guys.
L*****y2000: me tooo how old if i may ask ??
L*****y2000: 38 ?
John170: I am 31
L*****y2000: sorry lol 31
John170: Yes
John170: Yessssssss!
L*****y2000: the facial hair makes you older lookin
L*****y2000: do you go out offen ?
John170: That was one of those long weekends
L*****y2000: understandable lol
John170: Long weekends without shaving that is.
L*****y2000: i need a long weekend two days together wold be perfect lol
John170: Sounds like you work in either the food or retail business
L*****y2000: bingo fast food bk
John170: That’s a tough racket
L*****y2000: love the atmoosphere the huslle the busel, wicked people person love to talk am to friendly at times lol
John170: I was in the supermarket business for years. I was NO people person. 🙂
L*****y2000: lol have to have a few screws loose to do this type of work lol
L*****y2000: meet alot of intresting people though lol
John170: You got to man, in order to survive.
L*****y2000: it a all man world where i am it is tough but it fight back to keep my opion known lol
John170: It’s not an all man world. My dad married a woman.
L*****y2000: in the company i work for its a mans world i mean silly
John170: Well, maybe you can start a Burger Queen
L*****y2000: lol no thanks rather masterbate in public lol
John170: Yes, well, that could have been an option I suppose.
L*****y2000: lol
L*****y2000: so why ar youi tonight /// no dtes mn gf ????
John170: I’m not allowed near women, part of the conditions of my parole
L*****y2000: excuse me ?
John170: You burped?
L*****y2000: perole never stopped anyone from going out lol
John170: I know, but this goofy electronic ankle bracelet thing is a real drag.
L*****y2000: you crack me up
John170: Oh I do not
L*****y2000: you do silly shit you are
John170: You flatterer you
L*****y2000:: so john how long are you atteched for ?
John170: My sentence goes on for another few years man!
L*****y2000: are we talking straght shit here ??
John170: No, but man, imagine if it was?
L*****y2000: shall i say this to you ……. shithead fuck off, that wasnt nice of me sorry 🙂
John170: I’d have to say “fries are up” and give you two middle fingers.