Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10352: davepoobond -> stimpyismyname

Leave a comment

davepoobond: tell me some songs to download

stimpyismyname: youre the best

davepoobond: any others?

stimpyismyname: no

davepoobond: k thanks. thanks a whole bunch. you were really helpful. thanks. thanks…thanks..

stimpyismyname: download it

davepoobond: maybe. i dont even like that song though…

stimpyismyname: have you heard it

davepoobond: yeah just a little

davepoobond: it was kinda dumb

davepoobond: i druther listen to cold play

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10350: elmoisfurry -> davepoobond

Leave a comment

elmoisfurry: how do you make a new sn? lol

davepoobond: idiot..

elmoisfurry: shaddup

davepoobond: how could u forget

elmoisfurry: upgraded hehe, had to close

davepoobond: o…k…

elmoisfurry: soooo…yeya im outies bro bro dog schaafsma squackle bitche

davepoobond: wtf?

elmoisfurry: blah, no i dont remember you slut, now im gonna take sam for a freaking walk!!!!!!!1

elmoisfurry: have fun, bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

davepoobond: at 7:07?

davepoobond: isnt it kinda LATE

elmoisfurry: umm…yes! when else would i do it? 704?! muahahah you idiot…

Dave's Kingdom, Screwed Up Chronicles

I Had the Shittiest Chipotle Burrito Ever

Leave a comment

I had a shitty burrito from Chipotle today.

I can still taste it, its horrible.

That was the worst fucking burrito I’ve had in ages, and the single worst burrito from Chipotle ever. I’m not going to go to Chipotle for two months in protest their shitty burrito-manship.

Now I’m trying to guzzle down some Starbursts so I can finally get this taste out of my mouth.

So, I went to their web site and sent them this in their comment feedback thing:

I had a really bad burrito from the Chipotle in Fullerton today. I had it around 12:30 or so, and the burrito was horribly made, with liquid dripping everywhere — I ended up having to eat it over a trash can. That’s not even the worst part though. The burrito tasted really horrible, and hours later I still have the taste in my mouth. That’s really not good, since I’ve visited that Chipotle on many occasions and they have never tasted like that.

Its disappointing when they make bad burritos just because there’s a ton of people in line. I’m probably not going to be going back anytime soon because I feel it is just that bad, and there are other places I can spend 10 bucks on for food.

Just wanted to say that.

Yuck! Fuck you Chipotle, you’ve been good to me, but then you fucking stab me in the back!

Dave's Kingdom, Screwed Up Chronicles

I Was Detained Today

1 Comment
This entry is part 2 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

The alarm went off at work today, and the store wasn’t open, it was just the people in the warehouse, where I was working…and at that exact moment the police were coming through the door to see what was happening (they apparently didn’t know we were there), i was getting a drink of water, and its right next to the door.

So the cops see me and they’re like “hold it!”

I look up and i’m like “uhh? whoa!” and one of them had a gun out, too. I was basically alone, and then they’re all like “put your hands up! turn around!”

“Put your hands behind your head!”

They walked up and then held my hands firmly, told me to spread my legs, and then spread them further. They checked me for any weapons, and had me lean forward with my stomach out as they were checking my pants for a couple minutes.

They asked if I had any weapons and I was like “no, I have a cell phone in my left pocket, keys in my right and wallet in the back pocket.”

So while they checked they asked “what are you doing here?”

I said “I’m I’m I’m working.” He asked if there was anyone else, and I said yeah, they’re upstairs in the warehouse.

He asked what we were doing and I said the warehouse was getting books ready to go out on the shelves, and I was doing web orders. After that they put me into custody, put cuffs on me and sat me down on a table that was there.

One of the cops stayed with me until the other went upstairs and saw what was going on.

Someone told me that what the cop asked upstairs was if anyone was supposed to be downstairs and then the manager was all “no” and then the cop asked if he was missing anyone. The manager figured out it was me that was missing and described him to the one that was upstairs, and confirmed it was me downstairs.

In the meantime I told the cop that was with me I was getting a drink of water from the fountain since that’s the only one in the store. They eventually let me out of cuffs and took me upstairs to have the manager confirm it was me. I told him I was just getting some water downstairs.

Turned out another warehouse worker had tripped off the alarm accidentally, and I had just been right where the cops were exactly when they came in through the doors.

Well, that was fun.

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10345: davepoobond -> stimpyismyname

Leave a comment

davepoobond: my answering machine says “everyone will suffer” whispering, and someone left a message saying “oh my god!” and then they hung up

stimpyismyname: who

davepoobond: i dont know some chick

davepoobond: it was funny

stimpyismyname: the FBI

stimpyismyname: haha

davepoobond: she’s like fumbling with the phone and then she says “oh my god!” and then hangs up

davepoobond: it IS a kinda creepy answering machine message to get when ur like calling a friend or something

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: wrong number

davepoobond: always is

davepoobond: WHOA

stimpyismyname: call her back

davepoobond: do you want a Stripper Pole for Your House?

davepoobond: no

stimpyismyname: what

davepoobond: u can get one

davepoobond: dude thats cool

stimpyismyname: wtf

davepoobond: do you wanna get it

stimpyismyname: what are you looking at

stimpyismyname: gay porn again

davepoobond: just a sentence ont he clickxchange control panel

davepoobond: its a “new advertiser”

davepoobond: Stripper Poles for Your House!! $20.00 Sale

davepoobond: i didnt actually go

stimpyismyname: yea right

davepoobond: i didnt. i’m downloading stuff

davepoobond: did you go

stimpyismyname: like what

davepoobond: like song

stimpyismyname: no

davepoobond: transplants – diamonds and guns

davepoobond: man its such a cool song

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10343: stimpyismyname -> davepoobond

Leave a comment

stimpyismyname: what are you doing

davepoobond: eating a nice bowl of your mom

stimpyismyname: so…. being a fag

stimpyismyname: got it

davepoobond: sure, i guess if your mom is a guy

stimpyismyname: or if youre a fag

davepoobond: or if you’re one too

stimpyismyname: or if not

davepoobond: sure

davepoobond: cum guzzling asshole

stimpyismyname: dildo

davepoobond: goozak

stimpyismyname: worms

davepoobond: cervesa

davepoobond: so the party for squackle’s birthday is at 10:00

davepoobond: right right

stimpyismyname: shut up or i’ll pop ur goozak

davepoobond: hey! u fuck. u told me this whole week “we’re gonna have a party for squackle” everyday

stimpyismyname: uhhhhh

stimpyismyname: no?

davepoobond: uhhhh

davepoobond: yes

stimpyismyname: uhhh

stimpyismyname: no

davepoobond: uhhh

davepoobond: no to your no

stimpyismyname: whats a sticky topic

davepoobond: its a special kinda

davepoobond: thing

stimpyismyname: oh ok

stimpyismyname: whatcha doin david

stimpyismyname: lol

stimpyismyname: yuna has a gun

davepoobond: que?

stimpyismyname: wtf

stimpyismyname: in the ffx side story

davepoobond: which is where

stimpyismyname: shut up

davepoobond: wait a sec

davepoobond: what are you talking about

stimpyismyname: havent u heard about the ffx side storys

davepoobond: no

stimpyismyname: stories

davepoobond: there’s side stories?

stimpyismyname: oh

stimpyismyname: well then

stimpyismyname: yeah

stimpyismyname: 2 comin out

davepoobond: can you do them w/out beating the main game?

davepoobond: oh..

stimpyismyname: (different games)

davepoobond: oh ok

davepoobond: they’re like sequels?

stimpyismyname: actually theres only one

stimpyismyname: yea

davepoobond: what are they gonna be called

davepoobond: FFX 2?

stimpyismyname: just one

stimpyismyname: and yes

stimpyismyname: probably

davepoobond: or Yuna’s Magical Journey

davepoobond: Yuna’s Gun-Weilding Journey

davepoobond: Tidus’ Tries to Get Some Ass

stimpyismyname: yuna gets buttraped by jehct

davepoobond: Auron Tries to Get It Up

davepoobond: (w/out viagra)

stimpyismyname: i didnt like ffx as much

davepoobond: as much as any of the sequels

stimpyismyname: they should make a new one altogether

davepoobond: ok whatever

stimpyismyname: as much as other ff’s

davepoobond: really. why not

davepoobond: i thought it was as good as the others

stimpyismyname: the voice acting

stimpyismyname: the story

davepoobond: the voice acting was good

davepoobond: the story was good

stimpyismyname: the dialogue

stimpyismyname: the battles were good tho

davepoobond: i dont know what the hell ur talkin about

stimpyismyname: like hell

davepoobond: sometimes they’re cheesy but that’s because its translated from japanese

davepoobond: and japanese are just like that

davepoobond: and they usually dumb down the fukin games y’know

davepoobond: fuckin japs

stimpyismyname: gay/

davepoobond: they wont let WW2 go

stimpyismyname: no

stimpyismyname: they dont do that anymore

davepoobond: so we dropped 2 nukes on them

davepoobond: who cares

stimpyismyname: Final Fantasy X: Another Lord – The Lord of Future

davepoobond: aint that swell..

davepoobond: how long is the game supposed to be

davepoobond: 20 hours?

stimpyismyname: 5 mins

stimpyismyname: it loads

davepoobond: yeah i shoulda thought so

stimpyismyname: then you get a 3 min cg

davepoobond: it loads for 5 minutes?

stimpyismyname: then credits

davepoobond: oh

stimpyismyname: no

davepoobond: ok

stimpyismyname: 1 min

stimpyismyname: yea…

davepoobond: and the 3 minute cg is tidus ass ramming rikku and yuna at the same time, right

stimpyismyname: really only 3 people post on the squackle board

stimpyismyname: yeah…

stimpyismyname: cant get that outta ur head, huh

davepoobond: with wakka and auron doing dotty or whatever

davepoobond: i forgot her name

stimpyismyname: your final fantasy?

davepoobond: oh hell ya

stimpyismyname: HAHAHAHAHAH

stimpyismyname: oh boy…

davepoobond: actually mine would be doin rikku, yuna, dotty or whatever, and tidus’ mom

davepoobond: gotta get some of that experience tossed in

davepoobond: with tidus’ mom

stimpyismyname: haha…no

stimpyismyname: shut up

stimpyismyname: enough

davepoobond: ok

davepoobond: it was funny though

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10342: davepoobond -> Tetsuya

Leave a comment

davepoobond: WHY DO YOU build me up? buttercup baby

Tetsuya: O.o;;

davepoobond: i need you i need you darlin, you knew from the start

davepoobond: dont break my hearrttt

davepoobond: badadaaa!

Tetsuya: ……………..

davepoobond: i’ll make you (hey hey hey!)

davepoobond: hi

davepoobond: I CANT GET NO! satisfaction

Tetsuya: ………………

davepoobond: hey hey hey! that’s what i sayyy

davepoobond: whats up?

Tetsuya: Not much…

davepoobond: same with me

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10340: davepoobond -> stimpyismyname

Leave a comment

davepoobond: boo

stimpyismyname: have fun

davepoobond: ?

davepoobond: stick that finger in deep

stimpyismyname: eww

davepoobond: where should i send your $79 bottle of lotion?

davepoobond: http://.org/dance.swf

davepoobond: go its funny

stimpyismyname: that turns you on, eh?

stimpyismyname: fuckin homo

davepoobond: lol no

davepoobond: someone gave it to me

stimpyismyname: i’m gonna show your mom

davepoobond: i got youuuuuuuuuu

stimpyismyname: im gonna call right now

davepoobond: fine

davepoobond: do it

davepoobond: assmunch

davepoobond: what the hell

stimpyismyname: what

stimpyismyname: did something happen

davepoobond: i KNOW that was you

davepoobond: i have caller ID

davepoobond: DUMBASS

stimpyismyname: what was me?

stimpyismyname: huh?

stimpyismyname: you like men?

stimpyismyname: you like to see assholes?

stimpyismyname: really?

davepoobond: ur mom likes to see assholes

stimpyismyname: youre gay?

stimpyismyname: im gonna make a special update for you on christophersoft

davepoobond: u better not

stimpyismyname: ha

davepoobond: i’ll make one for you

davepoobond: which MORE people will see

stimpyismyname: ur the gayass

davepoobond: no i’m not

stimpyismyname: not me

davepoobond: hey hey, you tried showing me that same picture a long time ago

davepoobond: thats the goatse picture, remember

stimpyismyname: no

davepoobond: yeah that was

stimpyismyname: u showed it to me

davepoobond: no i didnt

davepoobond: johnny did

stimpyismyname: eh, whatever

stimpyismyname: you went back

davepoobond: what do you mean went back

davepoobond: show it to Blind Bubba
stimpyismyname: why dont you show it during buttsex

davepoobond: why dont you show it during your buttbuddiness with SR71 Steve

davepoobond: he wants you

stimpyismyname: ur stupid

stimpyismyname: hes gay

stimpyismyname: u probly cyber with him

davepoobond: ur mom probably does

davepoobond: he’s the man

stimpyismyname: fuckin fagget

stimpyismyname: shut the hell up

davepoobond: jo mana