We know a man who lived in a really small town. He said they closed down the local library because someone took out the book.
Joke #11938
CAUGHT IN PASSING: “I won’t say my house is old, but when you pull down the window shade, the rest of the house comes with it.”
Joke #11937
FIRST NUT: “I bet if I turn this flashlight on, you can’t climb up the beam.”
SECOND NUT: “What do you think I am — crazy? I’ll get halfway up and you’ll turn it off.”
Joke #11936
MR. BOGGS: “Yesterday, I had to shoot my dog!”
MR. NERPS: “Was he mad?”
MR. BOGGS: “Well, he certainly wasn’t pleased about it.”
Joke #11935
A kid selling newspapers on a busy corner in New York City was yelling, “Read all about it — 29 people swindled!”
A man stopped and bought a newspaper from him.
After reading the headline, he said, “Hey, there’s nothing in here about 29 people being swindled.”
“Read all about it –,” shouted the newsboy. “30 people swindled!”
Joke #11934
DUMB DAN: “My uncle shot himself two feet above his head.”
SMART SAM: “How could he shoot himself two feet above his head?”
DUMB DAN: “He jumped!”
Joke #11933
Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico.
– Jay Leno
Joke #11931
MURDERER: “What are my chances of going to heaven?”
MINISTER: “Let me put it this way. if I were you, I’d wear Bermuda shorts to my funeral.”
Joke #11930
WOMAN: “Why did God create Adam first?”
MAN: “To give him a chance to say something.”
Joke #11929
Is this party dull? Let me put it this way. There’s a livelier wake going on down the street.
Joke #11928
Here’s a word to the wise, for counterfeiters: Never hold onto the first dollar you ever made. It can be used as evidence against you.
Joke #11927
Musicians who have a number-one tune are able to buy whatever they want for a song.
Joke #11926
WOMAN: “Joe is a considerate husband. he takes his wife out to eat almost every night.”
MAN: “Considerate? Baloney! Joe’s wife is the world’s worst cook.”
Joke #11925
OVERHEARD: “My aunt’s diet is a strange one. She only eats bananas and coconuts. She hasn’t lost any pounds, but wow, you should see that woman climb trees!”
Joke #11924
I had F.B.I. Crispies for breakfast this morning. When I poured milk on the cereal, it didn’t talk; it interrogated me.