“Doctor, you have to help me. I just can’t remember anything anymore.”
“How long have you had this?”
“Had what?”
You Know Your Marriage Is on the Rocks If…
You Know Your Marriage Is on the Rocks If…
– You say to your mate, “I love you,” and you get a reply of, “So do I.”
– You don’t bother to wear your wedding band because it turns your finger green.
– Your husband celebrates your anniversary by going out with the boys.
– You’d rather play bridge with the girls than spend a quiet night at home with your husband.
– You go to the drive-in with your mate and spend two hours just watching the movie.
Joke #12014
Love does not go on forever. Neither does marriage. However, marriage usually goes on longer than love.
Joke #12013
My wife is out of this world. First she wanted separate baths, then separate bedrooms Now she wants separate houses.
Joke #12012
My parents never liked me when I was a child. On the 4th of July, other kids got firecrackers to shoot off. My parents gave me dynamite.
Joke #12011
Did you hear about the Irish psychiatrist who uses a Murphy bed instead of a couch?
Joke #12010
DENTIST: “I’m going to put a cap on that tooth, Mr. Hennerson.”
MR. HENNERSON: “At these prices, you’d better make it a hat!”
Joke #12009
Did you hear about the really rich tree surgeon who had six branch offices?
Joke #12008
A man was just admitted to the hospital for surgery. He said to his doctor, “Golly, I’m so frightened. This is my first operation.”
The doctor nodded his head and replied, “I know how you feel, it’s my first operation too!”
Joke #12007
OVERHEARD: “Doctor Dently sure is a great dentist. The last time I went to see him, he said he was going to give me gas. So I told him while he was at it, he’d better check the oil too.”
Joke #12006
Two kids were talking one day. The first boy said, “I have to get a calendar.”
The other lad asked, “Why?”
The first boy answered, “Because yesterday I got sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school, and then I found out it was Saturday.”
Joke #12005
“Doctor, you put my wife on a sardine diet. For two months she ate nothing but sardines.”
“Did she lose weight?”
“Sure she lost weight, but now every time she takes a bath, she fills the tub with olive oil.”
specialist
specialist – n. a doctor who has fewer patients than a general practitioner and more money
Joke #12003
HYPOCHONDRIAC: “Doctor, I have a pain in my neck.”
DOCTOR: “So do I, and you’re it!”
surgeon
surgeon – n. a guy who preferred to cut up at medical school