Inflation has increased life expectancy. People live longer these days because funerals cost so much.
Joke #12181
Did you hear about the entomologist who live din the slums? He went out and bought a water bed so his roaches could go swimming in the summer.
ogla
ogla – n. a polar bear in Death Valley
Joke #12179
I don’t get any respect at all. If I were cremated, they wouldn’t put my ashes in an urn. They’d probably put them in a spittoon.
Joke #12178
A young actor went to see a producer about a job. The producer asked, “Mr. Hughes, have you ever had any stage experience?”
The actor replied, “Well, I once had my left leg in a cast!”
Joke #12177
People who have claustrophobia should not buy tiny compact cars. Traveling around in one of them is enough to drive anyone crazy.
Joke #12176
“I just lost my life savings by investing in a new invention.”
“What was the invention?”
“An inflatable dartboard.”
Joke #12175
Last week the boss doubled my salary. I used to get a hundred and fifty dollars every week. Now I get a hundred and fifty dollars every two weeks.
Joke #12174
A wise man once said, “If you can’t say something good about somebody then say something bad. It keeps the conversation going.”
Joke #12173
I’m so old, I’m the only businessman in the office who can remember way back to B.C. – before computers, that is!
Joke #12172
I finally got back at the post office for always mishandling my parcels. Yesterday I marked a package, “THIS SIDE UP,” and mailed a full can of paint without a lid on it.
Joke #12171
Q: What’s race car backwards?
A: Really slow.
Joke #12170
Nobody wants me around. Yesterday I was so depressed, I climbed out on the ledge of a ten-story building. A policeman and a company of firemen gathered below and started a chant of “Jump!”
Joke #12169
I’m so henpecked, I’d have to ask my wife’s permission to kill myself.
Joke #12168
I saved all my money for a rainy day and what did I end up with? Rubber checks.