PRISONER 654789: “Do you know what a kleptomaniac is?”
PRISONER 763986: “Sure, that’s a guy who helps himself because he can’t help himself.”
Joke #12326
A man rushed into a police station and said to the officer behind the desk, “Do you believe in free speech?”
The officer answered, “I sure do.”
“Fine,” said the man. “Can I use the telephone?”
Joke #12325
JUDGE: “How can I be sure you’re telling the truth? You say you were only going 20 miles an hour in your car?”
DEFENDANT: “Yes, Your Honor, only 20 miles an hour. You see, I was on my way to see my dentist.”
Joke #12324
Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage, but they sure do help.
Joke #12323
Being a mugger isn’t that great a job. The hours are good and the pay is high, but there’s no medical coverage.
Joke #12322
JUDGE: “Your wife says you beat her up every night. She claims you come home mad and hit her with rights and lefts. Is that true, Mr. Henkly?”
HENKLY: “Don’t believe her, Judge. She’s punch drunk.”
Joke #12309
JUDGE: “Tell the court how old you are, Ma’am.”
LADY: “21 years and some months.”
JUDGE: “How many months? Remember you’re under oath.”
LADY: “127 months.”
Joke #12308
POLICE RADIO DISPATCHER: “Calling car number 709, calling car 709. Be alert. Someone is stealing your hubcaps!”
Joke #12307
PRISONER NO. 6583198: “You say the cops arrested you for going only 20 miles an hour?”
PRISONER NO. 7805407: “Yeah! But it was in somebody’s living room.”
Joke #12306
Stopped by a motorcycle cop, the driver didn’t say a word, but his wife sitting in the back seat said, “He wasn’t driving any faster than he always does.”
Joke #12305
Overheard in a police station: “If I had your face, I would hire a pickpocket to steal it.”
Joke #12304
A police officer was holding a meeting with a bunch of rookies. He asked one rookie to name the quickest way to disperse a crowd.
The rookie replied, “Pass the hat!”
Joke #12303
JUDGE: “Mr. Fenton you were arrested for stealing an elephant. Tell me, why did you steal an elephant?”
MR. FENTON: “My dad once told me, ‘Son, if you’re goin’ to steal, steal big.'”
Joke #12302
There was a convict who carved a gun out of soap and had his escape foiled when he got caught in a cloudburst.
Joke #12301
A man was charged with robbing a jewelry store and asked a young lawyer to defend him.
“I’ll handle your case,” said the attorney, “if you swear to me that you’re innocent and agree to pay my three-hundred-dollar fee.”
The rook thought for a minute, then said, “Will you do it for a hundred dollars and a pair of diamond earrings?”