Did you hear about the rich Texan who bought his dog a boy?
Joke #12389
After reading a good-night story to her 5-year-old daughter, the mother asked, “Where did the three little kittens find their mittens?”
The girl answered, “In the Yellow Pages?”
Joke #12388
FIRST MAN: “My wife and I are going to the beach for our vacation.”
SECOND MAN: “We saved money on our vacation last summer. Instead of going to the seashore, we stayed home, and every morning my wife passed a fish under my nose and threw sand in my face.”
Joke #12387
A teenaged boy drove his old car up to a toll booth on a highway. The toll collector said, “75 cents.”
The kid said, “Sold!”
Joke #12386
A husband looking at his checkbook was heard to say to his wife, “I figured it out. Right now I have enough money to last us the rest of our lives. Of course if I buy something, that’s a different story.”
Joke #12385
Is my wife a good cook? Ha! I know garbage disposals that eat better than I do.
Joke #12384
Two boys were talking. The first lad pointed to his dog and said, “He’s the smartest dog in the world. Watch this. Bang! You’re dead.”
The other boy snickered, “He didn’t do anything. He’s just standing there.”
The first boy replied, “See how smart he is. He knows he’s not dead.”
Joke #12383
LITTLE JIMMY: “My father can beat your father.”
LITTLE TIMMY: “Big deal. Even my mother can beat my father.”
Joke #12382
DAUGHTER: “Mommy, Billy and I want to play monkeys at the zoo and we want you to play. You can be the nice lady who gives us candy and peanuts.”
Joke #12381
A boy once asked his mother, “Mommy, what happens to all those old cars?”
His mother replied, “Someone sells them to your father!”
Joke #12380
FIRST MAN: “I got married because I got tired of eating restaurant food, washing my own laundry, and wearing clothes with holes in them.”
SECOND MAN: “That’s funny! I got divorced for the same reasons.”
Joke #12379
OVERHEARD A GIRL TELLING A FRIEND: “I was going to give my mother a box of candy for Mother’s Day, but I’m on a diet.”
Joke #12378
LITTLE TOMMY: “I sure am glad I was not born in Russia.”
LITTLE TIMMY: “Why?”
LITTLE TOMMY: “I don’t know how to speak Russian.”
Joke #12377
There was a wife who told her husband, “Jerry, last night I dreamed you bought me a mink coat and a diamond ring.”
The husband put down his newspaper and said, “Fine! Tonight go back to sleep and wear them in good health.”
Joke #12376
DAUGHTER: “How old are you, Dad?”
DAD: “I’m pushing 30.”
DAUGHTER: “From which direction?”