LADY: “I need a birthday present for my husband.”
SALESMAN: “How about a hunting jacket or a smoking jacket?”
LADY: “No, my husband doesn’t hunt or smoke.”
SALESMAN: “Well, how about this? Don’t tell me you can turn down a bathrobe.”
Joke #12958
You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough.
Joke #12957
MAN #1: “Wow! What happened to you?”
MAN #2: “A husband beat me up for kissing his bride.”
MAN #1: “At the wedding?”
MAN #2: “No. Two years after it.”
filthy rich
filthy rich – adj. having wall-to-wall carpet on your sidewalk and driveway
;} getting all the strenuous exercise you need just from lifting your wallet
;} having a bank book fatter than a phone book
;} to be watching the Joneses go broke trying to keep up with you
;} to be rich enough to tip a mugger who robs you
;} to be never worrying about losing your wallet because you carry a spare
;} to be getting gangrene from counting your money
Joke #12955
WAITER: “What will you have to drink?”
CUSTOMER: “I’ll have ginger ale.”
WAITER: “Pale?”
CUSTOMER: “Oh, no. Just a glass will do.”
Joke #12954
Did you hear about the rich Texan who just bought his kids some blocks to play with? The blocks are from 47th Street down to 42nd Street.
Joke #12953
CONFUCIUS SAY: People who view world through rose-colored glasses end up seeing red.
Joke #12952
CONFUCIUS SAY: Time wait for no man and neither do crosstown buses.
Joke #12951
CONFUCIUS SAY: Women who use gunpowder as night cream end up with complexion that is shot.
Joke #12950
CONFUCIUS SAY: Frogman who jogs in still waters runs deep.
Joke #12949
CONFUCIUS SAY: Time may be great healer, but plastic surgery is quicker.
Joke #12948
CONFUCIUS SAY: Bird in cage like convict in prison. Leave door open and both will fly coop.
Joke #12946
CONFUCIUS SAY: When talking about crime, the pen is not mightier than the sword. Convicts can escape from the pen, but not from the cemetery.
Joke #12945
CONFUCIUS SAY: Old grudges should be buried when old enemies are.
Joke #12944
CONFUCIUS SAY: Never climb ladder of success when elevator is available.