If Detroit had manufactured the Apollo space capsules, man would have never reached the moon. The capsule would have been recalled halfway to its destination.
Joke #13277
ONE OF LIFE’S IRONIES: Did you ever notice that postmen always seem to collect mail ten minutes before the collection times listed on the mail boxes?
Joke #13276
CROOK (in restaurant): “Give me all your tens, tewenties, and ones. And that order is to go.”
DUMB CASHIER: “Yes, sir. And would you like a doggie bag for the change?”
Joke #13275
ZACK: “Do plumbers have fantasies?”
MACK: “Of course. Haven’t you ever heard of pipe dreams?”
Joke #13274
SAILOR: “I don’t think our captain lives by the code of the sea.”
MATE: “What makes you say that?”
SAILOR: “Well on our last voyage, our ship began to sink and he yelled to the crew, ‘Don’t give up the ship!'”
MATE: “What’s wrong with that?”
SAILOR: “He yelled it as he was diving over the side.”
Joke #13273
HARRY: “My mother won a saucepan playing bingo.”
LARRY: “Now that’s what I call pot luck.”
Joke #13272
RON: “Did you hear about the scientist who tried to invent fly paper and couldn’t find the right formula?”
DON: “Did he give up?”
RON: “No, he stuck to it.”
Joke #13271
Q: What’s the easiest way to charge a bill?
A: Tell William to wet his finger and stick it in a wall socket.
Joke #13270
Q: How do telephones get married?
A: They just give each other a ring.
Joke #13269
Q: Why did they put the acrobat in the sanitarium?
A: Because he flipped out.
Joke #13268
“Did you hear about the moron who couldn’t get his stocking to hang over the fireplace on Christmas Eve?”
“No. What did he do?”
“He finally took it off his foot.”
Joke #13267
NICKY: “Are you fishing in the river?”
MICKEY: “No! I”m standing here washing worms.”
Joke #13266
JACK: “I hate playing tennis with a sore loser.”
JIM: “Well, I’d rather play tennis with a sore loser than a good winner.”
Joke #13265
Did you hear about the moron who gave his snowman suntan lotion for Christmas?
Joke #13264
MAN: “Do you know what a target range is used for?”
MORON: “Sure. To cook targets.”