Bad Submission #20284

Submitted through the Other submission form.

name = Go Smoke A Toilet

email =

use_email = no

type = Bad submissions archive

title = What does it take?

submission = What’s it take to get into the bad submission archive???????  Is it like a “really bad submissions only”-type area???????  What the heck do I have to get in there????????  Huh????????  What do I have to doooooooooo????????  Arrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!  It’s driving me NUTS!!!!!!!  Absolutely NUTS!!!!!!!  GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!  PLEASE put this in the bad submissions archive!!!!!!!  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!  OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!  I like oranges.

Hate Mail #20277

Submitted through the blonde joke submission form.

name = Altashheth Dalji

bjoke = One day a bunch of blondes thought it would be funny to put their jokes up on www.squackle.com.  So, they did.  One day, Altashheth Dalji comes to read them and couldn’t understand them because she couldn’t read them from all the freakin’ typos.  Learn to type dip-cracks!

Bad Submission #20275

Submitted through blonde joke submission form.

name = STUPID

email = airnell@aol.com

use_email = yes

bjoke = There was a blond named Emily and she was stupid. She thinks she knows how to make blonde jokes but she doesnt. Ive never heard so many stupid blonde jokes in my entire life. This may not be a joke, but its as stupid as the other ones on this stupid page. Have a great day. PEACE OUT SHAWTY SHAWTY

“Immigration Interview” Breakdown

This entry is part 6 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I kid you not, this is the exact text from which I found on a poster board at my high school.  The spelling and grammar errors are exactly as they appeared on this poster board.  I found this around 2004, and wrote up my part of the article when posting.

“An interview with Helen
Made by her son Michael

Q: What was your impression of America before today?
A: peaceful life and today my view of America is I hope there are no more wars

I don’t even know where to begin.  How is it a view of America to “hope there are no more wars”?  You make it sound like America has always been in a war.  I guess we’ve been in one for 10 years, and since this was answered around 2004, guess you’re very not impressed by America anymore or something.

“Q: Why did you leave Burma so suddenly?
A: a riot broke out in the city I was living in from a group from Chinese government”

One riot and that makes you get on a boat and go 5000 miles across an ocean?  I’m sure there’s something more, I don’t know, MEANINGFUL to pick from a list of reasons for leaving Burma.

“Q: if you went back in time and if did not have to any place you went what would it be?
A: China”

You’re not even from fucking-China.  You’re from fucking Burma!  Also, what the fuck kinda question is that to ask?  Who the fuck cares if she can go back in time to an indistinct era to just “go somewhere.”  What the fuck is she gonna do by going back in time?

“Q: Why did you immigrate to Canada instead straight to America
A: the weather was good and there are many more job opportunity”

So, when you got on the boat to go to Canada, they handed you a brochure which outlined “the weather is good” and “there are many more job opportunity?”  How the fuck do you know that if you’re getting on a boat in Burma?

“Q: what the reason that most of your family members stayed in Canada instead of coming down?
A: the health care union was very good”

And I guess you didn’t care enough about health care which prompted your movement to the United States?  I don’t get it.  If you were so inclined to move, then why not the rest of your family?  This is about as ridiculous as the reason you chose to leave Burma.  This woman sounds very finicky.

“Q: in your opinion how is life in the United States differ from life in Canada?
A: there is more stress in America while in Canada it is more of a relaxing life”

Not only does she leave Canada for nondescript reasons, she says Canada is BETTER than the United States.  Why the fuck didn’t she just go back to Canada if it was too stressful for her?

“Q: if there were no riots in Burma would you have still made the immigration to America?
A: most likely because I wanted a better life”

Yeah, right!  You just said the only reason you left Burma was because of the riots.  I don’t think you actually know what you would have even done.  How would you know if the weather was good or not if it wasn’t for that handy brochure they passed out on the Passage to America boating line?

“Q: what is one thing that is important to you in America?
A: My job”

So, let me get this straight.  Your son, interviewing you for his class, asks you what is important to you in America.  And you say your job.  You don’t say your son, who is standing right there asking you this question, hoping to hear something that would make him learn how to write English better, but no.  You throw it back into his face and tell him that your stinking 9-5 that you somehow convinced someone to let you have is more meaningful to you than your son or your family in America.

“Q: what is the most charitable thing you have coming to America?
A: security, financial stability, and many others”

This question doesn’t make any sense.  On top of that, the answer makes even less sense.  How the fuck is security and financial stability even considered charitable?  What the hell does it even mean to have something charitable by coming to America?   English is hard.

In closing, this lady is fucking stupid.  Just looking at her responses makes you wonder what the hell she was smoking.

No wonder American values are going down the drain, stupid foreigners are teaching their children that the most important thing in life is your job, and not your family or something like that that is more important.  Even non-foreigners are teaching their children this.  I blame everyone.

I hate older generations.

Construction on the Sandwich

Dear Mr. Boaling Ball,

I’m Katie from the 7/8 newspaper The Odyssey, and I’m writing an article on the new popsicle gimme some dickin’ sandwich and i crave the cock.  If you could please answer the following questions and add any other information you think would benefit my article that would be greatly appreciated.

1) About when do you think the sandwich will be finished?

2) When did they start construction on the sandwich?

3) What’s the benefit of having aster-turf as opposed to grass?

4) What is the i crave the cock made of?

5) Were there any donations toward the project?

Thank you very much for your time, and when you are finished please place the information in Mr. Pillups’ box.

Thanks again,

Katie